Free Will

#99 I don't believe it

2010-07-10T21:21:00.001+01:00

Figures. I started this blog then everything else started going wrong. Let's blame the blog.

I'll delete it on my birthday after post 100 and leave it on a usb key.

I hope you've all enjoyed reading the development of my philosophical ideas. I have decided that free will is unacceptable, until you consider the alternatives. Maybe I did choose. One quiet night brushing my teeth just before bed. Same as any other night really. Only that every day is different.

Now what was the point of all this you may ask? 0. It doesn't matter how many times you roll the dice or play the game. You wind up where you started. You win. You lose. Play again? Continue?

anything>nothing

#98 Achk, later!

2010-07-06T23:26:00.000+01:00

Can't write this now.

God demands we choose free will, even though he's deterministic. Quixotic much? (ha, spelled that right too!)

Yeah, you're alive.

Free will is choice. Choice relies on knowledge. Knowledge points to determinism to make the best choice. In a rational system of course. God is rational, right? Requires belief to exist? If so, how much? 51%? So if a war breaks out between two diametrically opposed religious factions, the fanatics kill each other off. Whoever is left on either side is either the victor or rational enough to realise religion is actually a bad idea that causes more problems than it solves.

Your span is so short young mayfly, yet ye do not despair. Our best minds die and wither just as they have come to maturity. An unlimited storage medium that has a time limit or a limited storage medium with no time limit.

A: God gave man choice
B: Man chose to create God

Good chicken egg style one there.

I took that Avonex on Independance day. Irony much? The human mind IOS looks like a lava lamp texturemapped with a black and white diamond tile pattern. The tiles are pretty small. Think Spectrum ZX graphics demo.

It might have been a dream.

I am forced into free will, because decisions made on my behalf won't leave me half as miserable or happy as my own. Flaming Tit would simply die.

Just hold together. Hold together dammit! If we can make it to 2037 we'll be in the clear.

#97 You knew and could do nothing

2010-07-03T16:48:00.000+01:00

Couldn't do anything about it. Something's different. You were right. Always were. Sorry I didn't listen. Now our eyes are screwed up and I don't see straight.

I am the Lord of Regrets. Once a prince, soon a king. My hound's name is hindsight. He has the usual two eyes and one to see back behind him. Smashing good nose too.

Something's different. Yes, now. We didn't choose. Did we? There may have been a bargain, but someone's not keeping up their end. Making up for it in other ways.

Don't deign to make rational decisions with irrational people. Why do I have a Scottish accent today? Because the irl who cancelled/kaiboshed/froze//killed my bank card having me self lost it with everything else in my wallet was in Edinburgh. Another point to the dog.

Aye, and it is lost now because you did something different. Why would anyone wish change with contentment? Men seem to work so hard to attain that which is a simple choice. They don't realise they can choose to be happy. But you don't believe in choice? It's just that it seems so minimal. What difference can I make. One starfish on one beach washed up, and among millions of other starfish and beaches, it was thrown back.

They have such strange beliefs. Totally irrational. You cannot argue with them. Even Dennett agrees. He'd never go to war against a golden army.

Spend your time on money, spend your money on sup. Though you may still be unhappy tis later you'll wake up. You look forward to that sliced instant between sleep and dismay when there's nothing and you're aware of it. If things were not rare, would we not desire them?

I'm only sick if you talk about it. Simply tell me I will be well, and I will be well.

#96 Should I choose?

2010-06-28T19:03:00.000+01:00

Looks like I'm going to start falling apart pretty soon.

Just hang on. Not much longer. 5, maybe 10 years. The future is already happening.

If I had made a choice, wouldn't I notice the consequences? I guess not. Consequences are only ever negative, right?

Does it matter-no. It doesn't matter.

Good thing I can just drown it out with music.

#95 Never let a good idea go to waste

2010-06-24T16:12:00.000+01:00

G-speak is coming. Good.

I was swirshing (swirling+swishing) the ends of a cup of hot chocolate today. we'd had pizza for lunch. A good day.

It stuck to the sides of the mug in a rather interesting fashion. Got me thinking about viscosity and wave dynamics. When I stopped swirshing the liquid, it didn't stick to the sides of the cup any more. Something about that exact speed, frequency, velocity and viscosity of the liquid was facinating.

How about an EM field to hold up a sheet of water for use as a g-speak screen, or a projector screen?

Might work. You could add white dye tot he water to make it opaque. It'd only need to be a roll up tray on the floor that you could roll out, waterproof of course. It'd be a neat fluid if you could make it. Make it evaporate too.

Maybe like that magnet in the aluminium tube.

#94 Rational choices

2010-06-14T19:12:00.001+01:00

Now this of course presumes irrational choices are not always taken. They toatally are.

I got a bit of bad news recently. Pretty nasty debuff, but it's not like I can't do anything about it. I can do something about it. Have I said the same thing twice there?

So you know there's 3 things to do in most case. There's the choice between the three. That's the free will, but there's not an awful lot of it, and it only makes big differences in a large cumulative fashion.

How many choices does it take to make a difference? One? A hundred? How would you know? Is one choice enough to tip a domino? Has it already been tipped?

Why would you want to know. Satisfy to a satisfisory standard, propagate the species, make better than what you arrived into.

If it's all so easy, then why can't I do it?

#93 I would invent

2010-06-05T01:28:00.000+01:00

I have invented God. Not the God. That'd be a bit controversial.

All seeing all dancing. Too complex to be known without trying. None would dare climb a tall seen mountain. Mist helps, is helpful.

What would become of a man. Ah, in fact this is the bard trying to sing, and oh what mishap befalls him for want of recording anything. The crowd million legion roar.

My built contrivance is the atomic scale nanite. It began as one and now is numbered innumerable. The air breathed carries them, harbors them into all life, and all death too, though such a thing is rare now, granted only to those who wish it, and even then it is not permanent. The scythe is blunt now. The reaper sows.

We once knew illness. Good and bad need not map so flawlessly onto positive and negative. Knowledge exists for its worth of knowing. Then choice, is a way of applying knowledge to an improvable situation. Tools are built to make better tools. Sticks, stones, copper, bronze, iron, steel, plastic, carbon. It was only a matter of time.

It does not think. At least we do not think it thinks. We once died, all of us, but it cursed and blessed in kind. I have lived now for years beyond ken. There was a time before knowledge, like remembering darkness. The bluebird knows what it is to fly. We may never know. We have not forgotten. We merely lack remembering.

It's all very simple really. Like standing an egg on its end. You need to break things to understand them sometimes.

The cloud of atomic nanites that spread through the atmosphere got into everything. It imbued what we eat, what we drink, what we breathe. We cannot break laws. We do not age, We can choose to age forwards or backwards. We can know anything useful, or knowable. The nanites do our bidding. We do theirs? Hard to say. Just as our 3 trillion cells have us along for the ride, the nanites have a similar prerogative. Nature was a genius, until we had a word for it.

Space monkies indeed. What we need, we find we have. We have no hunger, no thirst, no death. The world is beautiful. Do we live knowing no death?

#92 One after the other

2010-05-28T20:03:00.000+01:00

So, what is your quantifier of happiness? Material things? Days in the sun? Days fishing in the sun? Dollars made? Quantification of self as a simple number. Bad idea. There's too much to you to do that. I can never forewarn you. I am very sorry about this. What you've done cannot be undone, and will only serve to help you foresee what's about to come along. Avoid magicians and stages. Be damn sure to prepare for both if they cannot be avoided. Perhaps putting a blade to his throat would have been a bad idea. If a regret is/has to be taken, choose the easier burden.

An entirety of days cannot be surmised by an entirety of thoughts. You would deign to live for ten million days and sunsets, but the burden of regret would crush you. Learn, therefore, to let go. I can't remember how to forget, and neither can I. Record what to remember. Record what to remember?

Eventualities appear to be aligning. Horoscopes? Horrors cope. My horoscope zodiac was much more amusing than the traditional twelve.

Transactionality. Others rely on me to fix what's broken. I am valuable. I cannot fix my own problems. We're keeping that one. It appears to be working. Who would you be without friends? But would you know?

Just hope I don't get whacked with the bonk while I'm down on the crate working the new hardware. 8 out of 9 ain't bad.

The others seem to be drowned out by the din. They can't even translate themselves to be heard or understood. Shamefully my fault. What language dare I think in this day. They're all lined up. I cannot forget how to remember, so I suppose I must have chosen, instead of choosing to remember how to forget. 80/20 rule maybe? It's good 80% of time. But you know, I might have liked being able to forget bad habits and sad memories. 2 sides, 1 coin. Only a fool would choose determinism.

Fashion can only repeat so many times before it got stuck.

No Code is the perfect album for this post/ to accompany.

Useless skill? Rather then a not often useful skill. Pictures would be the way of things. They'll fix me if they can. Nothing for them but peace of mind and sense of achievement. I mean, I got a broken Wifi link on the laptop not even 4 hours ago. I had it fixed inside a half hour. Reinstalled the chip driver. Now what broke it in the first place is the bigger question. Full moon maybe. I'll need to careful until the wane has settled in. Drink plenty of water. Had to manually input the connection profile too, after the reinstall. It's taken in stride because it's my way of things.

The cry of the dread harpy is 'tyramael'.

We'll be fine. Just, wow, hang in there. Up and onward are always good directions.

#91 Easier, all things considered

2010-04-26T00:34:00.000+01:00

It's been nice outside this week. That volcano caused a lot of fuss.

The list of futilities is growing. These here forth are known to be futile
Worrying
Complaining
Panicking (hm, pankakes?)
Procrastinating

I broke my ankle. I had an accident on my motorcycle and I broke my ankle. For a long time I could not walk. I lost my independence. I value my independence.

I bought a new laptop. It's a bit too heavy. Some of the installed parts were wrong.

I applied to go to Canada. Maybe I should try getting a job here first?

I am lost and adrift, because since as long as I can remember, all my goals have been directed towards video games. I don't think this will save many lives. What can be done with a futile ici gai

So you see. I can solve your problems faster than I can solve my own. .

Books are a safe bet.

Happy Anniversary to the Hubble Space Telescope

Free will exists, but only for what we would deem to improve. Don't doubt your clout.

#90 You seem troubled Klaus

2010-04-10T01:11:00.002+01:00

That was a good game. 6 on the griddle. This isn't going to make a lick of sense later on. None of it will. Pointless things are stupid. Stupid things are pointless. A waste of time was worthwhile at some point.

I opened the door of that nightclub and man it was cool, like a fridge, full of easy singles. Sorry for the cheesy joke.

What are your misgivings Lord?

I have no long term plan. I will go to Canada. The great white north? the great unknown.

Having given nothing to the government, am I entitled to nothing from the government?

Some people have it worse than I.

Heal dammit. I need to go places and I miss my independance. Indy pen dance. Indy pen. What amusing opines it writes.

Functionalism is fine, but reductionism has a few wrinkles I just don't like. Sure, you can casually link your whole life as a chain of events back to your birth and back and back and back to the big bang, but it still doesn't explain the source of notions.

I wouldn't know much about cameras. Haven't had much exposure to them!

I am here to help.

#89 Extra time

2010-03-27T02:17:00.000Z

Yep.

I mean that's pretty much all I want to write. Tired of being fed up. Leg works again. Good.

Laptop isn't finalised yet. x64 is also a bit of a disappointment.

With regards to longevity, I sure hope it works. I guess I need to add 2 more boxes to the chart! Now I'm supposed to be

No, sorry. Out of time. Good night.

#88 New rules

2010-03-11T19:57:00.000Z

a

Yep, new rules just in.

Don't complain
Don't worry

#87 That's better

2010-03-01T17:20:00.000Z

Depression can be caused by constipation, cabin fever and dehydration. dry end wet, went end dry also applies to adults.

I honestly didn't realise they also sold sofas. Sorry about that.

Must. not. break. router.

#86 overcast downswing

2010-02-27T20:41:00.000Z

You graduate 3 times, wind up with a broken ankle, 25 years downriver and still no job. I've been called gloomy, but more often optimistic.

I think I'll quit until my birthday, or until lent ends.

#85 Reason and Conjecture

2010-02-21T23:50:00.000Z

My ankle is broken. It has been just under 1 week since. I nearly slipped in mass. Fun. Eoghan is still in hospital. Flaming tit was left instructions, but he ate them. With ketchup. He finished the ketchup and hasn't bought more.

Half moon. Only a few hours left to tackle the college assignment.

It's just a broken ankle. It's the apocalypse. Personally, it's the end of the world. It's really just a broken ankle.
It is very inconvenient. I'll be fine.

Time to choose. Wisely done. No regrets Mr. Freeman.

I'll be fine.

#84 Thems the breaks

2010-02-18T21:23:00.000Z

I died on Monday and came back a blink later. My ankle is broken. My motorcycle is not damaged, though it would be best to have it checked.

My ankle is broken. It was an accident. I hit a slippy patch on the road. I hit a patch of gravel on the road. My back wheel lost traction. It bobbled. I aimed for the kerb. The front wheel bounced over the kerb. The bike landed well, albeit on my right leg.

My ankle is broken. I cannot walk without crutches.

I will be alright. There are challanges ahead. I think I'm worried. No adjectives. It feels swollen.

My ankle is broken and I'm wiggling my toes. It will heal. I think I could apologise to it again. Sorry right ankle.

Morphene is most interesting.

Accidents happen. After so many journeys, I suppose the statistics finally got me.

As is this blog, I must decide if I want to sail forth to health and forget about the mishaps or rue the day. Was Torment right?

Seo linn an ceacht.
Lessons rarely leave scars. Scars usually leave lessons

#83 Maybe another time perhaps

2010-02-07T01:47:00.000Z

Ach, this code isn't being nice to me.

I put myself down easier than some discarded dog. Ruff, ruff, yeah, great.

That which confounds must have once confounded the confounder, or, we all start at square 1.

I stuck my hands together with bits of sticktape today. It was the most worthwhile thing I've done in a long time. Procrastination is surely an art form by now.

#82 Where's the fun in that?

2010-02-04T23:10:00.000Z

I'll try my hand at comedy. 3 pages of writing seems to produce 2 good jokes, so it's a bit like gold mining in some ways.

I dislike coding because I can't play with it. There's no fun in it like there is in gaming. Gaming throws the fun right in your face. You don't have to work for it like you do with coding. It's only 3 weeks in and I'm already falling out of love with assembly. Bummer.

Here comes the downswing.

And coding is so not like lego. There aren't nearly as many shapes and colours with coding as there are with lego. Nothing I try with coding fits together either. I can't chew code. I loved chewing lego. I think I might have even swallowed a few bits. Can't quite remember. You can't swallow code. It's not for you. It's for the machine.

#81 Not quite what I had in mind

2010-01-30T10:57:00.000Z

I've never blogged this far away from home before. Pubs bore me dreadfully. I knew I was bored when I found a speck in the paint on the wall. I looked up at it and thought, "This is the most remarkable wall speck I've ever seen." True enough, it did resemble a halbadier, but at that very moment, I realised how wretchedly bored I was. Pubs are not for me. I'm beginning to think Cons (as in conventions) aren't for me either. 200 miles and 4 hours on a bus for this? Deary me. Dreary me too far that matter.

Pascals chart needs updating if Aubrey de Grey gets it right. Adding 2 more variables will make things a lot more complicated. I'm still ending up with permutations of the old question set, but I had hoped for a few answers. Wishful thinking.

Stains wash, wounds heal, memories fade, eventually. What power we would have if we could forget!

#80 Good as new

2010-01-27T00:13:00.000Z

It's best not to say things I'll regret later. Now I have to wonder, is a regret for a thing said an easier burden than a regret from a thing unsaid?

I went to my first assembly language class today. It went well. I managed to get the first section of the assignment done. All I have to do now is learn how to code up for loops and if-else statements. Then I have to figure out how to serialise pixels in from an external source. A simple case of boil down work the problem. Plenty of good questions for the lab on Friday. I hope the chaps in the Engineering block has spare PCs.

Turns out I do need a laptop though. The LG 30" screen I have my eye on costs a grand. Chickens, eggs, hatch. I'd prefer to wait until SSD drives are common in laptops (about 2011), but there's no question that there'd be benefit. Mo money mo problems. I'm getting by without it so I should continue thus. Things owned, things own you. All trades are their tools, without which they are but men (and women). Doctors are helpless without modern pharmaceuticals. Pharmaceuticals? Yep, got it first time. So too are mechanics found wanting without the tools of their trade. I sought to become better by knowing, and having the means to know, to garner, inquire, ascertain. To learn. So I became a computer nerd.

I'll hate myself in 5-10 years reading this. I just know it. Sincerest apologies to mine future self. It's my fault you didn't turn out the way you wanted to be.

I guess regret works in both directions.

Are brainwaves a field or a particle?

My exam results. poo. D-. Tailstrike scrape-by. 230 quid for to do the resit. poopoo.And I know I can do better. A costly mistake. I hope benevolence can pick up the tab.

Not time critical thankfully. For problems in life I think perhaps it important to distinguish between those with a critical time component and those that don't. You could easily argue that all problems (which are sometimes solutions to other problems that we don't see) have a time component of one kind or another.

I'll be alright. It's just that the waiting game sucks. Folks are working my case and deserve thanks. I think they know who they are.

#79 Backstab

2010-01-17T23:49:00.000Z

I read about lumbar puncture and fainted. That's interesting. Back to college tomorrow. I fix things and nobody notices. I bet I could brick the router and nobody would notice. Maybe I need to learn how to better accept thanks. They're grateful when it's back working, but I seem to remember their complaining longer than their thanks. I could not go through with it. 2 weeks before I get to flash with dd-wrt.

If particles emit radiation, can they also emit fields? Folks haven't looked into how much gravity is involved. How many electrons do you need before you start to feel weight?

I'll get a second opinion I guess. Moving and shaking begins in 24 hours.

#78 Begin new line

2010-01-01T18:39:00.000Z

We got a white new year this year. Only problem is, I wound up staying up until 6am, so I slept in, with my new electric blanket (ftw!) on and then my shift started without me. No biggide though. They weren't delivering anyway.

Time to get to work. The jigsaw is fitting together, so I'm getting a sense of knowing where I'm going now. The northside is still less well known, but I'll get there. I won that race last night so I can win more.

They tightened up my specs to a drum. Much better. I can see straight in the mornings. The chillblains are a bother. I hope that guitar gets played. Risky present, but extrememly nice.

Brain still hasn't come up with a line to change the world, but I can't expect things to happen overnight. Much as I'd like to. Another box filled, another to fill. Work is learn or earn. Anyone for tea?

#77 Diplopia

2009-12-13T00:24:00.000Z

I have 5 days to get 15 questions done. Time to get going. It's a 100% exam assessed subject this time so every mark counts.

Turns out I have something called diplopia. I reckon a new pair of specs should fix it, but I'll have to fix what's causing it first. Shame really. I've got a lot of expensive plasting on the end of my nose at the moment. Hopefully I can just get new lenses, although these specs are rimless, so I'm thinking wishfully. St. Lucy is busy helping with cases of trichoma in sub saharan Africa for the rest of the year. Should stop it getting much worse though for which I'm grateful.

Dad jokes are bad, but worth remembering.

Online Christmas shopping seems to be just as stressful as actual real life outdoorsy shopping. I'll just have to get a 3V voucher. Proxying off someone elses credit card isn't going to do it. I just hope I don't suddenly realise it's a way of financing an MMO habit. That would be most certainly counterproductive.

1. Fix eyes
2. Study for exams
3. Work
4. Visit friends (likely you, the reader)
5. Christmas shopping and christmas cards.
6. Write a program to find my USB key (yes, it's still stinging me from time to time. The sooner I accept it's gone the better)
7. What was 7 again? I think I only had 6. Usually can't remember past 6 anyway. Oh yeah, find SNES. It's probably right behind me.

Ok, now I'll start writing. With a pen. That's how learning works.

#76 Double vision

2009-11-24T23:10:00.003Z

My eyes are askew. This is upsetting.

I really haven nothing to be worried or upset about. I think I'm bugging myself about my lost USB key because it hasn't completely left my area of personal affect. It can wait.
It can wait. If only I could hasten and forget until its appointed time. Greater matters to attend to. Like exams.

My first exam is on Thursday. Data mining. Not looking forward to it. I have 1 good day left to study. I might have timed that visit a bit better, but I figure I can always repeat an exam. I can't repeat a good day out. The greater sceme of things records the better times spent.

Ha, now I'm upset because I've nothing to worry about. Irony. Aint it grand?

#75 Life's nothing like the movies

2009-11-20T01:47:00.000Z

It was a good evening. I got a Christmas dinner for €6.50. Good deal. Happy Birthday Claire. Eyes are still a little skewey, but wearing my spectacles at a jaunty angle seems to alleviate the problem.

Efficiency seems to leave scan room for joy.

Lazy is worth 42 points in scrabble if you can get it on a triple word score.

The worst way to do something is not to do it at all, but that's not true.

My first exam is next week. Time to study!

#74 Ascending

2009-11-20T01:04:00.000Z

Click,
click,
click,

Higher. Higher we go.

Click,
click,
tick.

Now we're ready. We know.

#73 Blather

2009-11-17T22:52:00.000Z

Time is getting cold. An am ciuin. Quiet time is now.

Eyes are out of focus. Almost time for sleep. Puns are never a good idea. Seems harder not to say anything.

I can forget and it'll be easy. One less thing. I'd learn a lot if I tried to solve it, but the odds are so slim I'm probably better off spending my time studying instead. 2 presumptions and a lot of variables. Second and third and fourth opinions. Scepticism.

I guess it's worth doing, but not right now. There are more important things to do right now. Time to go right now.

Blogging is dangerous. Uninformed opinion is dangerous.
Blogging is dangerous.

#72 Orion

2009-11-16T00:32:00.000Z

Some crazy scientists in the 50s could have blown us all to pieces. I'm glad they didn't.

I'm totally falling asleep right now. I'm typing like a drunk. Whoa, are these my hands!? Far out!

Either way it'll be fine. Either way, I've nothing much to worry about.

My list has a few things on it. I have to give up on finding my USB key. It's a situation largely beyond my control and I'm presuming wayyy too much about the variables involved. Man, it's going to itch for another 2 weeks though. I've more important things to attend to. Exams are about to land. My psych project team need my writing skills. They'll get by fine without me but I want to help. They'd never even heard of a Flesch Kincaid before.

Google could stand to be a little faster.

I don't think I actually need my USB key. I suppose it's eating my liver because I'm worried about data misuse and identity theft, but that's under control.

Yoko Kanno's ELM sounds quite a bit like Seals Kiss from a Rose. Not too far apart chronologically either.

I wonder what'll happen to this blog in 100 years?

#71 Things lost, things sought, things found

2009-11-12T11:45:00.000Z

Data mining. Not sure why I bothered. Forensics is much more practical. 2 hours until the exam and I'm procrastinating. I'm surprised though, since there's really nothing else to worry about.

Hornet stung me last week. I'd rather not remember, but if you have seen my shiny silver USB key, I'd appriciate getting it back. Such a small trifle, but felt as such a great loss.

The lab I'm in now sounds like the forlorn plains of Valhalla, mostly because I'm sitting beside an air duct and it's raining buckets outside. Noisy buckets. Noisy wind.

What I imagine will console me in the end is knowning I did all I could with the knowledge and resources at my disposal. It is a setback to lost such a thing, most of all because I cannot remember what it conatined. To lose a trinket is but a minor annoyance. To lose an important memory is an agrievance.

Time will pass and we we lean more and more on magnetic signals and digital memory. Fo all our wants of ability to forget that which we'd rather not keep, there may well come a time when we can simply move our failings onto a small plastic chip and bury them for posterity. Would we learn? Maybe. If it is a memory of an old mistake that can prevent its reoccurance, then we might prefer to know the memories and mistakes of others. Worysome is the thought that experience might be bought.

The email server was down when I logged in earlier. Clemency, and my gratitude for it. This does not mean I'll stop trying to find my lost USB key. If a priest can be found in the jungle (I knew they'd get him back), then a key can be found on a campus.

#70 Upswing

2009-11-04T23:12:00.000Z

The body commands the mind at times. It would be nicer if it were the other way around.

Jack asked me to climb 8 walls today. So I did. My sinuses are packed like the Clearys sale but it's nice not to complain. It was wall 'O' that got me. Those footholds are tiny. 'A' is nice. The harness kept cutting into my back like a rusty butterknife, but I got there in the end.

We all get there in the end.

I'm tired now. The right kind of tired. I think it's time for sleep.

#69 What, me? Worry?

2009-10-30T23:57:00.000Z

I eh. Yeah.

That's a pretty good way to start. Getting well into the swing of college. Trampolining has its ups and downs (I'm really sorry about that). Got to the top of the K wall too. Maybe I'll beat the overhang next week. Thankfully, none of my exams clash this semester.

I tried Chrome the other day. It's quite nice. The skin was a bit fischer price but it worked nippily enough. A lot of the shortcuts were consistent with what I already know from Firefox. Groovy.

Maybe I'd be happier never knowing what I want to do. Sort of leaves a nothing to lose situation. Life's a bit more complicated than a zero sum game. It's just a shame it gets boiled down that way so often. Folks worry about folks who aren't sure where they're going. I figure everything is pretty awesome as it is, so why would I want to change it?

Anyways, that's a fine hornets nest right there. It's best not to kick it around. Going back to quiet is taking a little longer than I thought. Something's different? That's dynamism for you!

#68 Plenty to choose from

2009-10-20T21:12:00.001+01:00

Flaming Tit fell off a trampoline today. I've really no idea how it happened. Then in another incident, Flaming Tit tore a scab off his knee and started bleeding all over the trampoline. Flaming Tit is beginning to suspect the trampoline doesn't like him for some reason.

Of course after I'd whanged my head, I got dizzy. This made further progress... challenging. A fine story all the same. Rock climbing tomorrow. Certainly safer. Gravity is much more predictable with fewer physics involved.

The hornet nests have been a bit noisier than usual. Time to go back to being quiet. No reason to give them ammo. No reason at all.

#67 Forward's the way

2009-10-16T22:14:00.000+01:00

I successfully failing at something my 10 year old self could do. I imagine he wouldn't be pleased. A fine tale could be contrived with my past selves of 5 year intervals.

Now, on the one hand, I could go back to doing nothing. This would mean folks on the phone would have nothing promising to tell people. I would be tacitly omitted (ooh, very nice) from the Christmas Newsletter. Existensialism would demand that I eventually disappear.

On the other hand, I could do something. It should be widely known at this stage that I am the luckiest and the most spoilt. Yet, I still complain. So, much easier then, than doing something would be not doing something, namely complaining. I can be confident when I say it betters no one and nothing. Misery without company soon disappears. Existensialism demands it.

Thankfully, very few people bother to read this drivel. I suppose it makes me feel a bit better, much like the man hanging the rags on the tree to stop worries getting over the threshold.

My stock might soon fetch a better price. I went rock climbing despite 2 man-sprained ankles, grazed elbows and gammy knees from trampolining. I even went trampolining again after rock climbing. Don't look up too quick or the sun will blind you.

Time to get back to my data mining homework.

#66 We all fall down

2009-10-06T22:29:00.000+01:00

And all things fail eventually. Even failure.

Oh what a merry mood I find myself in. My hard drives (or at least one of them) have decided to start making that nasty tick noise again. Be ye loreful, then thanks for the sympathy. Be ye not, then thanks for the understanding.

Only one other cause for upset I can rather put my hand to now. Assassins is a game running in college, and today I missed a rather golden opportunity. Thankfully, it is a game. I need only remind myself of this and begin to feel better.

#65 Procrastination as an art form

2009-09-29T21:50:00.000+01:00

Time well spent. What is that exactly? I think it was W H Auden who reckoned we're here to help other people. No idea what everyone else is here for mind. Not to worry. I just hope everyone can get along without fighting.

Right now I'm supposed to be thinking about what I'm going to say tomorrow morning as part of my presentation for my cognitive psychology class. 1 LED in a galaxy of supernovae. How different would the world be if we could all clone ourselves and have a good chat. Cup of tea wouldn't do any harm here either.

Got a good book about the hindenburg (terrible mess that) today. Dad should be pleased.

This blog never really had a point. Merely as a series of breadcrumbs on the wayside that might help me look back some day. I hope it'll do some good. I know I will.

#64 Forge new ties

2009-09-22T22:59:00.000+01:00

I'm like everyone else. Wonderfully mundane. Able to turn a smile from a stone, a mile on a throne, a dancce from a gnome. Whatever that all means.

UCD is treating me well. My legs are the kind of happy tired you get after a well spent day. I might do better considering the long run, but I won't be there for very long. Personal definitions of a long time vary immensly. Young children figure 10 minutes is an epoch. I imagine I'm a bit more patient.

Everything is new, everyone is a stranger. Plenty of time to practise first impressions. This is good I suppose. I'm doing well most of the time. All I have to do is identify and avoid a certain number of hornets nests. Do not kick the hornets nest. Do not kick the hornets nest. I won't even mention what they are. It's too dangerous.

#63 Uniqueness

2009-09-21T03:53:00.000+01:00

Your mind is not that special. You are not that shining star in the bright night sky. Your own uniqueness is merely expressable as what only you can do for everyone else.

Now whether that's what you can do, are able to do or want to do is the question. Having a 15 bedroom mansion lifestyle is useless if you've got a broomcupboard comfort zone. To become old might be preferable to becoming old and regretful. I hope it will be easier to regret what I have done, rather than what I never do.

#62 Free freedom

2009-09-17T19:42:00.000+01:00

I'm in IT. We put chips in chips. Hedgehogs. Can't they share? Who's that man there having the identity crisis.

In in college. This is good. Not physically right now of course, but I'm in college again. Gives me plenty of opportunities to work on first impressions. I'm still not quite sure why I'm going. Bound to be plenty of good reasons. It's a good measure improved from mooching about the house all the time.

I'm supervising incoming orders right now. It's pretty quiet though. Regards college, I'm supposed to do some data mining homework right about now, but I can't find it. I'll check again tomorrow. Bike needs a service too, but that can wait. How I get home from the shop is often a trouble. It's not a very social job, but I like it. Fits well with what I'm doing.

Other than this wretched cold, I'm doing pretty good.

#61 Raining Opportunity

2009-09-15T18:55:00.003+01:00

The going just got good. Too good almost. I feel like a man with a net in the rain. It's raining awesomeness. Problem is, nets aren't much use for catching rain.

What I need is a bucket.

That reminds me of a financial product idea I had a while back. Well now, time to get to work. I'll have to rejig the whole timetable. Fill in the blanks.

#60 Autumn Storms

2009-09-07T17:29:00.003+01:00

Maybe I'll come up with something even lazy people can do. Something as simple as scratching your ~~arse~~ nose.

I'm the luckiest man on earth. I just haven't realised it yet. I'm still thinking that annoying I know thought. I don't know squat from jack. The only reason I'm upset has been been resolved. I'd go to bed now if I could. I just set the world record for longest audible sigh so that's something for the day.

I'll feel better after tea.

#59 Catch myself

2009-08-26T02:28:00.003+01:00

I want to say I know, but I know I don't.

Roll that one around the floor for a while. I've been hearing myself think 'I know' a lot lately. Rather annoying. Now it could mean a few things, but I don't think there's much point trying to work it all out. The other thing I've been thinking irksomley is 'I want to say' suchandsuch.

I've got 1 simple fact of importance to maintain tomorrow. Elligability. Must be careful not to over-complicate or over-simplify matters of concern. I love rambling. This is known. I could talk about a penny for at least 10 minutes, maybe even an hour.

'Abort, Retry, Fail?' was the phrase some wormdog scrawled next to the door of the Edit Universe project room. And when the new dataspinners started working, fabricating their worlds on the huge organic comp systems, we'd remind them: if you see this message, {always} choose 'Retry.'

So I retry.

#58 Any day now

2009-08-20T00:51:00.004+01:00

When did I intend to meet new people? Was it today or tomorrow? Neither? Gosh, that'll need to be done some time, surely. Definitely some time inside the next 10 years. I hope. I'll do it this afternooooon! Yep. Can't live on the diving board forever!

It is of course a core component of a key avenue leading to the completion of many objectives. The good weather will only last another month at best so I'll do my best to make the most of it while I still can. I'm not going to come over and say hi. That's abundantly clear. I won't meet anyone in a bar or nightclub. I don't like those places. Only place I half like is the park really. Or maybe a documentary bar. I wish those were real.
I wish a lot of things.

Time for sleeps to make the best of things. No good use of dark night time was ever spent typing a blog. Come to think of it, I can almost always come up with a more valuable alternative to spending time online. Hopefully you can too.

#57 Hits and misses

2009-08-15T00:51:00.004+01:00

I'm glad I go out hurling. It's doing. Whether I hit the ball or not doesn't matter. When the ball sails half way down the field, I smile. When it drops to the ground followed by a swish, I wind up and try again. Brush, brush, toss, grip, swing, hit, follow through. That's all there is to it really. Toss height to a point between shoulder and chin seems to give good results. Two months ago I'dve been happy with 2 or 3 hits an hour.

I hope I'm stretching and warming up right. That's important. All days are valuable, but those days when you wake up early and go to bed tired are more valuable than others. How peculiar will it be to look back on all I've written after several short years? Yeah, it'll take longer than I thought. That's part of the deal.

I have googled 'hope is cruel'. The results appear to have timed out. How wonderfully ironic! I will go from this place and keep my words for myself. Smiles and nods. Don't say too much.

Don't say too much.

I have a great many people to thank for the progress I've been able to make.

#56 Setbacks

2009-08-11T01:27:00.003+01:00

All the fineries of this world ultimatley cost time. Some more than others. This monitor is very nice, but it will soon be useless. It goes against the new way of thinking. Reality offers more, so spending money undermining reality makes no sense. It would be nice to have, yes, but I can get by without it.

I wish I could guarantee at least partial completion of the grand objective. Sadly, it's a chip away per day affair. Some parts will hopefully be simpler than others. Maybe I didn't expect myself to go out walking every day, but I had hoped to lose a few pounds. Any day now. The problem now is keeping things interesting. The same old route has become tiresome. I'll need something fun with incidental weight loss.

Time for sleep now. There's nothing on the Internet really worth 4am. Not really.

#55 Quiet self loathing

2009-08-06T03:20:00.003+01:00

The Internet says I am dissatisfied. I found this comforting due to its succintness. Not depressed, or angry, or vastly upset in any way. Just dissatisfied.

With the objective in mind of improvment in generalities, I think I need to write more helpful, practical posts. Things like mowing a lawn covered in weed killer or powerhosing brick walls as a way to prepare surfaces for fresh paint. That sort of thing. Short words work too you know.

Turns out my hurley is heavy because it has dried out. Might leave it out this winter. I never did check to see if the metal bandings are still legal.

#54 A Quarter twice and a third of a dozen

2009-08-01T04:56:00.004+01:00

So I'm 25 now. And indeed I will be for a long time. Its nice being able to forget what age I am. I'm really wishing life was more like Oblivion. Man, I'd be sooo good at life if it were. I guess I'll just have to get the hang of this reality style interface. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Rationalisation of life as a system derived from a simulation of life isn't such a smart move. But I think it has its merits. A simulation allows for consequence free mistakes. Then again, games are fun. Games become less fun the closer they get to real life. Second Life I find appaling. The graphics are just broken. I have no other word for it. That in-your-face interface is failsauced and licenced to the ballistic chicken company. Oh what a shame.

Jewel cases just can't encompass the artwork of the old prog rock records. Some of those were awesome. The old vinyl record sleeve for Thick as a Brick came with a sodding newspaper! That's awesome! I mean I know Spinal Tap are doing a lot with their new CD, but what are you supposed to play with while you listen to your new record you went to the shops to buy. If you even got that far. The pictures were brilliant. Am I supposed to pass on my old hard drives full of digital pictures to my kin? That aint the same.

And it's my birthday. I'm watching the sun rise as I do on most days, looking out the window as I type. I'm so glad I learned how to type. The hills look lovely. I do wish they'd turn out the streetlamps a little earlier though. Surely we could save a heap of carbon if there was a better way of going about municipal lighting.

That stabbing pain I had in my right lung went away. I can still feel the spot where I got it. Not swine flu of course. Probably just a nasty strain. How I did it is anyone's guess. The new raincoat works a treat. It's not so good at keeping my legs dry but it should keep the rain off if I get caught out.

I'll figure out how to wire this TV for audio pretty soon. I got my 7.1 calibrated quite nicely. The t7700s I use from creative aren't true 7.1 per se since they upmix from 5.1 and clone the side and rear channels, so I use an RCA splitter from the side channel to distribute the sounds from the card straight to those 2 speakers. Only downside it that I can't adjust them with my volume dial. I did manage to list out my channels though. That'll save me time later. Maybe I should swap the RCA over to handle front left and right? Might make more sense. the side speakers are tucked in a wardrobe and behind the curtains. I have to turn them right up with the equaliser. It's reasonably well balanced but you know how I love to meddle.

Time to sleep. Last time for my 24 year old self. I think I'm 25 years and 44 minutes old right now. Gladly recording this for some other day.

Below is my car ear (carear), heading off into the dawn.

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#53 The waiting game sucks, let's play hungry hungry hippos

2009-07-29T03:50:00.004+01:00

The continuing cycles of mania and depression take their toll. I helped cut grass. I'll have to make up for lost miles tomorrow. An intention might be all that's required. Something to turn the taps. I'd like to thank everyone for stopping by. Apologies to myself of 6 months later. It's a fine illusion that's plausible and possible.

I can never quite remember what it was I had intended to do at about this time. Actuality will occur in a manner entirely unexpected. Zombie Paintball. Interesting idea. Maybe I'll need help.

If life were a game of Oblivion, I'd have won by now.

#52 Still smiling, still walking

2009-07-18T03:47:00.002+01:00

Whenever you're ready there, life. Any time now. Free will. A choice you'd rather make knowing what you'll know in ten years.

Oh yeah, charge the batteries. Better do that now. Bah, no sign of the charger.

I couldn't guess how far away the objective is, but I am taking pictures. Phase 2 is always full of unanswerable questions. Any direction could be the right one at this stage. Can't seem to get a clear shot of that heron though. Always blurry. Couldn't hit half a ball today either. Not too sure what was wrong, might've been my grip. It was pretty windy too. Took me a good half hour to adjust. Got a few yards in the end. My ground swing needed the work. The view is usually nice enough on the field, but I rarely have the place to myself. I doubt tomorrow will be any different. It's going to be a long weekend.

Not much to look forward to. Walks and pictures is pretty much it. Should have a good collection by the end of the year. Autumn will be important. Time for rest again. Some routines get boring, but the whole point is not having to think so much.

#51 How am I supposed to know?

2009-07-06T00:05:00.003+01:00

Life means life experience. This is something I've deftly managed to avoid for one reason or another. As for what I have, am, thinking, or might quietly become, I can safely say I have no idea. When you spend close to 300 hours playing Oblivion, it becomes clear that you've finished videogames. I've got Eve Online running in the background. Amazingly, I can play the game without playing the game. Handy.

Half my readership has departed on a well deserved holiday. I found an old fippeny bit in the car park. That means 5p. There it is there. A throwback perhaps to a more bullish economic era. In truth though, the early 90s weren't easy for a lot of people.

The next paragraph is depressing. For this reason, we would like to advise readers of a plum alert.

There's not a lot I can think to do really. Keep applying for jobs, keeping getting no reply or the odd rejection letter. Not even Ikea will hire me. So I'm here going around saying things like "can't even get a job in Ikea". Cheery? Me? Apparently, I'm supposed to have a career by now, or at least a plan. I'd much rather go out for a walk. At least that's something I know I can do. Hopefully the weather will hold out too.

#50 Long time coming

2009-06-30T03:25:00.003+01:00

It took a while. Stop reading now if you wish, the rest here follows my maudlin mode, of which I'm sure you're all familiar.

Folks have been asking why I'm on a health kick of late. They don't get it. I have asked at least half my readership to keep this latest wheeze under wraps, but it's so banal and unremarkable that I can't see any consequence of telling my other reader about it. You of course know who you are.

I walk 3 miles every day.

That's it. Nothing remarkable or interesting about it. There is an elephant in the room named 'Why'. I could come up with a dozen reasons. Gosh, I'm starting to sound like Pirsig now. Not that it makes that big a difference. I might come up with a reason to answer the question for you but it might not be the same answer for the next person, or the next. It'll be whatever I think you'll find personally acceptable.

Bit of pain in my left leg. Probably strained it but I only notice going down stairs. So this 'personally acceptable' existance. What's it all about? If you're happy with what you've got, what would you change, because the answer isn't going to be 'nothing'. Time for some realist positivism I think. And sleep of course. Free will? It's the freedom to change.

#49 Life's lumpy, make more

2009-06-25T13:06:00.002+01:00

Yep, that's about it in 4 words. Rather glad it's been squared away in good order. Chris was kind enough to feature my email. Who knows, I might even get actual readers now! Incidentally, if this is your first visit, you don't really need to bother with any of the previous 48 missives. They're maudlin to a degree of inexplicable extremes.

In other news, the weather is quite nice so I've been trying to make the most of it. This week's philosophy question is "Why is there something rather than nothing?"

Back to work :)

#48 Thing in the sky, thing on the earth, thing underground

2009-06-20T01:48:00.001+01:00

Normally, I write exquisitely depressing drivel about how miserable I am and how I never do anything to fix my problems other than talk and write and write and talk and talk. Mostly though, I write. It becomes painfully apparent that I'm starved for attention when I talk. It's just such a shame lamp posts aren't educated in subjects like Russian novelists. They'd make great conversationalists.

No, instead I think I'll say something nice about how happy I am.

Feelin' fine.

Free Will is about exploring possibility. Even highly unlikely possibilities are vastly intriguing. In fact from about as far back as I can remember, I liked thinking the what if. Fancy folk might call this Astral Projection. Most folk call it wondering. I consider every possible outcome to the best my of folly. It passes the time most agreeably. To consider the past and how I might have done so differently can be liked to a watering can at the inferno. Considering the future and what I might say or do in different situations is maybe how everyone gets by. Everything is easier when you've something nice to look forward to.

The journey was far from wasted. I got to see many parts of London such as Westminster, the Tate, London Bridge, the Golden Hind (they can't have gotten all the way around the world in that, surely) and the Globe Theatre. Dear readers, you were quite correct about the sale of time and money. It buys worthwhile experience. St. Paul's is magnificent. Truly, a shared ideal can achieve greatness. I also went to the Tate where I saw a Magritte I'd never seen before. I'll have to go back and try the slide though. That looked like fun :) London is not a walking city by any means. The real trick is learning the bus routes.

For now then, I'll work on learning about digital cameras, fixing the USB 2.0 card in the old computer, losing 10lbs while the weather is still nice, breaking in my new shoes (pinstripe converse ones with insoles) and generally enjoying the summer.

#47 Rambunctuous Guffaw and the mood swing meter

2009-06-05T01:24:00.003+01:00

Voting Day tomorrow. From what I can tell, democracy seems visibly effective directly prior to change. All the candidates are making commitments, promises and doing the hard graft to get a few votes. I have to wonder whether there will be any change in the established order of things. I'd trade the spire in Dublin for a hospital any day. Maybe we could sell off all those eVoting machines with eBay, build a few schools.

It struck me that I've never seen a goverment which satisfied its people. Someone was always critical. It's like trying to please most of the people some of the time or some of the people most of the time. The fine thing about democracy of course is that you only need to keep 51% of the people happy all the time.

Then there's the leaving cert English brouhaha. Should blow over by the end of the month. Had it been me, I don't think it would have made a difference. I recall very little, other than thinking like a robot. In one eye, out one hand. That's all there was to it. It's the grey bit in the middle that can cause problems.

I am of course grateful for the fine weather we've been having. For the first time in almost a decade, there's a prospect of tanning. Bon voyage to my only regular subscribed reader who might be reading this at a dreary desk somewhere. Hope the trip was good fun.

Well, time to get back to work. For you though:

#46 Not so merry go around

2009-06-02T21:59:00.004+01:00

I just saw a CV online of a guy who won a medal in mathematics - he can't get a job either. Looked for my old Snes in the loft there. I found some old school notebooks. They suggest the rut is at least 11 years long and growing.

I wonder when I gave up on myself? Some time during the 90s I think?

Hmph, that'll pop up on wefeelfine.com and grand if it does. My namesakes have take top spot on google so anonymity is assured. At the very least, whining and moaning appears to be an amicable way to pass the time. Thankfully, cheering me up is remarkably easy.

#45 Summer

2009-06-02T02:55:00.005+01:00

I've made a new chart, really MS Painty. The idea behind it is one of these chunks of pie will eventually eat the other 2. When that happens, we'll all have peace. I'm not sure an entirely homogenous culture would be so good. Still, it's worth a try. I'm hoping science will be able to fix the biggest problems.

Been watching talks over on Ted.com. Rather good that. I feel perhaps I have established a rut for a few years hench.

Knowing without doing - could I be happy? I reckon I'll just keep whining about myself for a while but deftly avoid changing in any way.

We sit and wait,
The mountain and I,
Until only the mountain remains

#44 Good idea, Bad idea

2009-04-26T07:22:00.002+01:00

Good idea - Internet
Bad idea - Diseases
Good idea - Doctors
Bad idea - Internet Doctors
Good idea - Chimps
Bad idea - Chimp in a space suit
Good idea - Seesaw
Bad idea - Chainsaw
Good idea - Watching films
Bad idea - Watching films where there are chimps in space suits
Good idea - Blogging
Bad idea - Blogging about watching films where there are chimps in space suits

Yeah, these are better. Those old blog posts just weren't getting to my target market.

ROFL HARRSI!

#43 Simplicity

2009-04-19T01:02:00.003+01:00

I saw a sign on a car the other day. "For Sael"

That's what it said. The sign on the back was fine. I took a photo for myself to prove I didn't make it up.

This next trick is called simplicity. All you do is think happy thoughts. Slight problem though is that for me at least, happy thoughts is fully raytraced realtime overpumped dynamic range graphics.

I've been reading a little about human dynamic range. It's a bit like trying to thread a needle with a sausage. Salami would be more accurate. All the stuff that we could see is rather filtered out until we find ourselves left with a washy notion. It'd be nice to see gamma rays, but I'll still find reasons to complain.

So.

Simple it is. Think happy.

#42 Life in lines

2009-04-04T08:31:00.002+01:00

I decided to do up a UML diagram of life thus far. It's helped put a few things into perspective. The only problem is that I'm finding it easier to put in a lot of downers, mishaps and failings as opposed to successes, cheer-ups and lucky days. To be without thought could perhaps be to be without unhappiness. Defaulting to glum seems to be a factory mental setting. That has to be a way of adjusting that. As it stands, perfection would fail to satisfy, especially given the imperfect mind perceiving it.

I'll keep at it, trying not to list any major depressing significant events (e.g sackings, heartbreak, financial loss etc.) It would appear that society has an important role in individual happiness. A society of one is unlikely to be happy.

#41 Time marching onwards

2009-04-01T06:21:00.004+01:00

It's been 7 months since I checked GE. I dusted off the old posts and left a short update.

Thusfar I am the sum total of no achievement whatsoever of worth to mankind. Arrested development is mine face in the dictionary. Writing helps, albeit in an impractical way. Where it will end is hard to know.

Happy April Fools day. Conficker.c passed without incident. Within my faculties, day pass, and I estimate less and less ability. I simply do, be, and am. A cursor may blink a thousand times, but patience waits for godot. There is importance here - mark the passing of time in any way possible lest it seem like so much sand in a desert.

#40 Up and coming

2009-03-16T13:13:00.003Z

Oh you know. Motorcycle test is all I'm doing right now. I ~~won't~~ might not get it, but that's not a problem. Real life might not have undo, but it does have redo.

I've learned. That's the important thing.

#39 All fail

2009-03-09T20:03:00.002Z

Only plan D remains. A near complete relapse into contrived reality has occurred. It has become a near acceptable alternative to the commonplace goals of the mainstream. None are sought, none are asked for. Both await external change.

The simple thing could be just a kind word at the right time.

Why should I wonder or wish? What is desire but an end unto suffering? Could the ultimate end of technology be a way to stop desire? How different would the world be without need? Boring?

And so we resort to the simple. Try. Ask. Do. What could possibly go wrong?

#38 Smashing Dreams

2009-02-04T05:30:00.005Z

Only plan B left now. We live for hope. We must hope the community is better with our membership. I wish perhaps that I was someone else, if only for a day. Gumption's rising, so soon I'll change. It's so much time, but so much better spent.

It has already been stated that life as our choice is a 4 to 1 shot or 2 to 1 with a form of faith. We can better these odds again by leaving behind a legacy of some kind, usually through writing or being written of.

Thus, we do not despair. We must work on the legacy. Action is the thing. When all the din and blizzard noises have been quelled, we are left with action, sometimes a choice of action. This is free will.

Less time spent is more time saved. If it's general enough it can apply to everyone, but making it general makes it less effective. We'll contrive a reality from our own minds and faculties so that our minds need not bear the burden of the unanswerable. It is life we deign not face. So a life of our own, by our own, on our own is the result. We spend no time together. This is not the acceptable norm. This is not the common tie that binds. Of one or many, our acceptable norms presented as culture ensure we can bridge the gap between the one and the many.

The cause of frustration is that the greater half cannot accept the humdrum or the routine. It bargains with the lesser half to try and at least obtain the most remarkable routine available. It is a war of attrition. The lesser half could be happy without existence. There are levels of existence it is ready to accept. It is realities and the greater is fine high ideals.

I would save time reading what is already written. It is however my principle recreation to discover that I have independently concurred with the giants beneath my feet. These discoveries are what bring a peaceful silence to my mind.

Practicality demands we consider only things applicable to social situations. The common, the banal, and the ordinary are all perfectly acceptable. It is time to change, in a world where change is the only thing that stays the same.

#37 Being who you are

2009-01-29T18:47:00.004Z

And knowing who you are - That's more important. It is perhaps the quest of life.

I was watching a documentary about Muslim extremists there the other night. Twas a fair an equitable case, but Dad spotted a few Israeli jibes under the table as it were. No such thing as an unbiased opinion. Facts? Those are just commonly held mass accepted opinions. But at least they're something we can all agree on. The ideas I got from the documentary were that some people, when exposed to circumstances which preclude the establishment of healthy ties, will invariably establish ties that bring the individual no good. These ties spread, and society suffers for it.

The documentary highlighted a caveat of free will, and reminded me of a line I read in a Warhammer book 15 years earlier. 'An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and open'. True enough then that life will present us with individuals who have persuasive language and ideas.

Keep track of your ties that bind. In my case, reading books means I'm less likely to become an Islamic extremist. I'm kidding of course :p

What I mean is a good set of books that you can bolt opinions of your own to will do a better job than a few hours listening to misguided rhetoric. Someone who doesn't know who they are can be easily misled into being someone else for another persons use.

Identity has quantifyable value. It's the currency of the celebrity world.

It is my hope that with the Internet, world peace will become a possibility. There are still language barriers to overcome, but now at least, for the first time, a means of international open dialog exists. With a little know-how and a few button presses, I can get talking to just about anyone else on the planet.

#36 Personal struggles with the vaguries of reality

2009-01-27T14:03:00.004Z

Now we all know children suffer horrific nightmares. It's been documented. That's just them trying to rationalise existence. Dangerous business altogether.

I've gone back to reading Plato. Nothing has really changed since his day and ours. I did realise something though. The reason you can never be happy where you are, in that happy medium is because your brains wants new stuff. It needs to learn in order to grow. Such is the same with people. We learn to grow, and grow to learn. This is hard, therefore it is worthwhile. It's the routine that really kills you. Like I said before, you are (or sometimes I am) the sum total of collected memories. The old tree falls in the forest again. Only now, there might be a camera in the sky to see it. The most noble of occupations then might be the development of technologies to ease the human burden. It certainly gives cause to the Luddites to complain. Think back to the yesterdays before mobile phones and the internet. Was it easier? Was it happier? Can you remember?

By this merit, the most useful exercise is the development of your memory. Paramount to this is a means of committing things to long term memory. Forgetting the past repeats mistakes in the future. Though because human memory is invariably fallible, we must instead rely on our technologies. Writing and its offshoots. How abhorrent would it be if we found something truly static?

We are living in a most interesting age,
when the word has been freed from it shackling page

#35 Time and Senessence

2009-01-21T15:52:00.002Z

The worst part of it all is that we only get one go on the carousel in the fairground of life, and when that ends, all we have is what we've left behind for our descendants. Certainly, there is a large set of common human experiences such as health, sickness, love, depression, hunger, thirst, anxiety, bliss and joy, but if it's happening to you, it's different. Sons will forever watch their fathers striding forward less with each passing year. As their own strides stretch, their fathers' wane and shorten.

Seeking of course the beautiful uniqueness in every moment to find its grain of perfection. A fine way to live, since it means stopping to look at the sky and the unique clouds that will never be before or since. So similar though, that they are en masse unremarkable. Such is the nature of a place in time known as the 'present'.

When man first began roaming the earth, he had only 4 directions to choose from. Backwards, forwards, left and right. The same idea applies to early video games. Eventually, man learned how to soar like the birds. 2 more directions were put within his grasp.

The directions of time have yet to be conquered. If something can happen, no matter how unlikely it is, it will eventually happen somewhere. Man has crafted devices and machines to conquer the skies and see where eyes could not. So indeed it will be time, someday, for time to be but another direction. Like any of the other 4 directions however, it too will have its limits. How far can you run or walk before you fall over? How long do you have left to get as far as you can? Why bother if indeed the end will come and only your memories will persist to evidence your existence?

Simply perhaps, because the alternatives are unacceptable. We live for our ancestors for our children. All things said are intrinsically, intuitively known, though their mention is not perhaps a waste of time as many would see it. Technology and its advancement is our legacy. To what end we cannot know.

If I break my computer I can fix it using my spare. This is not the case with Planet Earth - our sum total of absolutely everything. We must be as who we best are for others, and they for us.

#34 Video Games

2009-01-11T16:19:00.002Z

Hopefully, Warcraft will arrive on Monday. I like that game. Eve online though, it's not as much fun. I mean I play it and all but they've disabled inactive accounts from training skills. Can't blame them really.

The real trick will be getting through to the atheists on WoW. Those guys are nuts!

#33 2009. Start.

2009-01-05T21:20:00.003Z

2009. Off we go then.

I have a DS now. It's really quite great. Tonight will be very cold. It is winter. Almost colder than Tipperary.

So it appears I write but do not change. Time will do its part. Musing thusfar has not best served me. Dating needs to begin. I'm falling behind.

Now what? Or more politely, what's next? 1 thing at a time. Sneak up on it. Prove me wrong. Enable undo.

#32 Now for something completely different

2008-12-20T08:00:00.005Z

I have to accept that whining is counterproductive. It is the linguistic equivalent of cocaine. Everything is in place. Now I can enjoy Christmas. Yes, I'll fix it. I'll have to. What I'm becoming is unacceptable.

I hope to prove myself wrong.

Certainty is merely a lack of doubt. Recent psych tests suggest I am an INTP or an ESFP. Don't rely on clichés. Knowing which end is the business end helps.

I saw that coming.

Aww, that's nice. Hey! That dinosaur speaks Irish! Neat!

I suppose I could write up my game reviews here, maybe even start a new blog. Then I could resume where I left off.

#31 Users manual

2008-12-14T03:30:00.004Z

This week, I've mostly been writing my users manual. For me. That's right, it's a users manual all about how I work. I think it's a good idea. We used to write short documentation schrifts in college for the odd programmes we made. None of my code ever worked really, but I made up the marks on the documentation sections. Overall, I tended to break even.

The manual is going well so far. It appears I am woefully lacking in social skills. Not sure how to address this. I've been writing a lot. No change there though. I crank out 1500 words on video games easily enough. Used to be the way. I sure hope www.gamerseurope.com comes back soon.

There's a problem though. I lost faith in computers after my hard drives failed. I knew they were going, but the real issue is security. I just can't cope with the darn things breaking all the time. I can't imagine how much time and grief... It's pretty awful. I'm still stuck for something else to do. Best alternative so far is music. Mostly, writing has filled the time. I'll keep working on the few stories and the users manual. Sticktoitiveness would be nice if I could get it.

Big issue now is how to achieve success without leaving the couch. Do I have to get up? I sure hope not. Still battling with common despair of course. I've always had Christmas to look forward to. I think perhaps a fine vintage of writing will be uncorked on that day.

The sum total of my existance now appears to be one where I do nothing but fill in forms and wait for things to happen. Heaven forbid I should take action. I haven't even really been outside nor can I gauge the last time I went out. A long time ago no doubt. Net total nights out is abysmally low.

In sooth, I have yet to live.

#30 The other half

2008-12-08T00:17:00.002Z

One half is contented with a simple answer. The other is not. The simple answer is let somebody else worry about it. That's a bit irresponsible but it's easier to do with the tiny troubles and day to day. Leaves time. Time for the half uncontented.

I wish easy and good were the same thing more often.

This week, I will try and occupy the uncontented half with helping others. I have a great means of communication and need only find those in distress to render assistance. Even within my insular world where going outside is a true adventure, there are people who might do better with a kind word.

#29 The grand problem - and the importance of memory

2008-12-06T02:51:00.000Z

I suppose I enjoy writing as much as reading. Things on paper are happy to sit and leave my crowded head. The grand problem is a sort of question. I noticed IT contains a great variety of people who might otherwise be better suited to finding themselves in other domains of expertise. The loneliest man is the one with the most specialised knowledge. This leads to a fair assumption. What has us here with our ability to congently process things must be the loneliest being in existance.

Our language will require time to evolve before it can accurately describe abstract concepts like creation, life, death, all the big stuff. If I were to say a simple word like 'set', the number of meanings behind the utterance would require careful examination of circumstances to establish the intent.

That's how language works anyways. I'm quite sure someone before me has written all I've thought of and someone hence will do the same. In my own small way, writing myself perhaps even for myself is all I think I can do.

I marvelled at myself the other day. A form needed printing. I knew nothing about it, but inside 30 minutes, I had it filled out and printed. I can pretend to know so much. This is actually very bad for me. As a child, I would find myself in a state of inquiry and attempt to find an answer. The best efforts of parents and teachers often consisted of uninformed opinion. This was of course before the days of wide spread internet and wikipedia - though also before Yahoo answers, so I suppose i should be thankful.

My old University professor set us a race one day. He challanged half the class to find an algorithm in the library. The other half had to use the internet. The library team won. Books are much harder to destroy than electronic records.

My second point refers to having an ability to find yourself. Genetics chimes in here. My scant knowledge of the subject is based solely on a few documentaries I saw on TV. Marker genes appear to play a key role in our development. That whole argument goes back to Nature V Nuture though so it's a bit of a dead end.

The finest hour is almost here. Practical applicability of philosophy is something I should probably work on, though justifying faith sometimes necessitates leeway with logic. Logic fails faced with mysterious ways. We can trust it though I'd sooner trust a higher power. Logic is a tool born of mans hand.

Belief is a powerful idea.

Though I think perhaps I will be at a terrible loss someday. Even my own memory will some day succumb to senescence. I suspect Chris has hardly thought of the long term ramifications of setting up this site. These I believe are worthy writings so I'll copy them to my personal blog. I'm referring to the future of this post. Will I read it again in 20 years and smile at my simple foolishness? Maybe. If it's still here.

It might have been Freud who wrote about the death instinct. In order to give offspring a good shot at life, parents inevitably die. Life ends to begin anew. Only memory remains. But even memory fails eventually. Paper rots, magnets fade in potency, stones erode. Why do we not despair?

A head full of useless knowledge sits atop the body of the lonely man. He'll volunteer it readily to try and help. It is viewed as advice. Advice is a form of nostalgia (so says Baz Luhrman). He is dismissed, often without thanks, beneficial or otherwise. No one cares to hear it. The self, the brain and the body. All trying to work as best they can.

We simply go by as best we can. What more can be asked? I should wish for a better motivation than the pursuit of wealth though it's the best we have. People generally don't need any philosophy to toil and buy food nor should they. It is a wasteful burden. A part of me can be satisfied accepting the third option - don't worry about it. I think perhaps the grand problem might be the other part which cannot but stay active. This part wants to try and form some scaffold. Maybe an idle dalliance, but angry at being dismissed so. Written in a language few people would care to write, fewer would care to read and fewer still would care to comprehend at all.

Dense. Ha!

#28 Where am I?

2008-11-30T19:53:00.003Z

Where am I really?
Geographically, my brain, body and various organs within it are at home.
But where am I?

I can answer this question with geography, lattitude and longitude but not with any actuality.

I wish I knew where I was.

#27 fiddling with the layout

2008-11-20T17:00:00.003Z

I won't know if I'll be ok
I won't know for a long time
I won't know what I'm meant to say
I sure hope I'll feel fine

That's the trick we're on, going along, singing a song, about nothing mu7ch at all. I'm going to leave that in there even though it's wrong. Nobody's perfect!

2 broken PCs, 1 hobbling, solution on the way. My life is filling out forms. That' s all I do now. I'm a drain on society! Yay! Dammit! Why won't they buy me goose! *weeps*

Where the hell am I anyways? Is this the internet? IT STINKS! Who farted? I'm going to the bar. No I'm not. I hate the bar. It's noisy and too expensive. Fishing might be nice. Yay!

It's like I';ve hacked my own blog. Spam isn't this creaytive thoiyugh. SDcew2 speinllging! Yay!

maybe I'll bpellcheck it later. No excuse for shoddy typing. But yes there is. Caveman lawyer knows! Yay!

Slowloy falling apart. there. Deleted. Yay!

maybe yes, maynbe no, maybe y7es? maybe no. Maybe so!? Yay!

I love the internet. I hate the internet. Oh what am I doing here?!?! I shouldn't be here! I should be in Cabo or Malta. Malta is nice I bet. Not too sunny. I'm so falling apart. Yay!

Helphelp. Help. Aw man, that'll take years to fix! Nooooo! *weeps*

So are you done yet or stuff? No? Hell no! I have to fill in forms! It sucks. Yay!

Maybe I'll escape the island next year. That'd be neat. They have boats near the coast. I gotta build an escape craft to get me to america. Am I thirsty? I could love a cup of tea. Or a T with cup in it. What the hell am I on about? Yay!

did the font change? Hang on now, let's check that. How's this one? Oh no, no sefits! (what?) *weeps*

Uh yeah, I'm not quite right at all. Let's put Bowie on, that'll help. Blogblobblog. Grudges. Boo! Ah, what stops me forgetting what I don't want to remember? Memory control! Yay!

Call me when you figure it out. Yay!

Ah sure I'll fnd something. Invariably, time and providence have a way of getting me what I need. I shouldn't even bother worrying. It's not me I'm worried about. Well why would it be?

There's no turkey in Hawaii. I can neither confirm nor deny this. Yay!

Penguin bars are nice. This is total drivel, I'm surprised you're still reading it. Or rather, you've sensibly skipped a bit. Good show, good show. Gosh I hope nobody I know actually reads this trash. Yay!

It's like a bar that leaves a silly thought in your head. Aunt-Arctica? That's just below par. Fashionsed perhaps by the minds of the workers. Ah, here we go. Yay!

Please, send help!

There we are. Bowie on the speakers. 7.1 for me please. Why do I need it? No idea. 10.2 is the next for me. Not that anything is supported by that though. Shame, shame. Games aren't even coded to take advantage of the hardware they'll be running on. Nor can they be. It takes too long to code and forsee what the final rig will be. Yay!

Maybe yes, maybe yes. Wow, imagine a shruinky came across this! I'd make a great study case. Near total social isolation for almost 20 years! That's something. Ooh, shiny. Yay!

Total nonsense. That's all this is about. I didn't want to neglect my blog though. I think I'll keep writing for another hour. At least my patience hasn't failed me yet. Naw, hang on. chYes. where;s my danish! I didn't order one. Did you. Don't think so? No. Maybe no. no, definintley no. Yay!

What the juice? What was that thing I was looking for? Just going to have to keep filling in forms. If there were cameras, I'd totally act different. Woulnd't mind making tea for a living as long as the pay is alright. Sure thing chief. But you must play me good music in return.

That sounds like a good opportunity. And you get the schlip of paper qualification at the end. Go for CV. Yay! Wait... yes.

I only noticed later that he had a bionic ear. Makes sense now. Oh yeah. Smells like frying. Yay!

That hybrid in Battlestar Gallactica hasn't a patch on me

itchy knee san go she rock nana hatch queue dew. Yay! I remember it all. That's 1-10 in japanese. I'm might be able for it! Wish me luck!

Bon Channce!

#26 Things fall apart, computers fail, resolve leaves

2008-11-10T04:14:00.004Z

Computers can do much good for this world. They can spread stories like this one.

Sometimes they break. Sometimes when they break I must fix them. Often, I am the only one around who can do this.

I am the only one.

This fact is complicated.
I am needed. Good. I am alone. Bad. I can fix it. Good. I have to learn how to fix it. Bad. I can try to explain the problem to others. Good. They won't understand. Bad. If I do fix it, people will say well done and forget about it. Bad. I can't be sure my fix will hold. Bad. I don't know if it will break again. Bad. I don't know how to fix it. Bad. I don't know how to fix it. Bad. I have to try and learn how to fix it. Only I can fix it. Bad. It's my fault. Bad. I created the problem. Bad. I didn't mean to cause a fuss. Good. Computers are wasting my life. Bad. I am wasting me life on computers. Bad. Chocolate. Good. Too much chocolate. Bad. There are too many things I don't know. Bad. I am addicted. Bad. I know. Good. I don't change it. Bad. I want to change. Good. I don't know if I want to change. Bad.

20 years stint leaves a pretty big dint. I'll need something big to fill a rather large void. Presuming of course I actually manage to pull this off. If I fix it, then the reason dies. I go back to the old ways, none the wiser. Then I stay up til 6:30am watching sub par television blogging to no one and thinking to myself - is that all there is? Don't bother watching the video here, just listen to the song.

If I am going to stick with computers, then I'll have to get smarter. It takes a lot of wherewithal to build a ladder out of a rut. I'll need tools to do it.
Any ideas?

#25 Irony it seems is not without a sense of humour

2008-10-27T02:53:00.004Z

And so, in my quest to outsource those difficult life decisions to the power of the Internet, I have come across Chris Pirillo.

The Irony? Right here:

He's way ahead of me. I mean wayyyy ahead. Already has the wife and dogs.

Not much privacy though. If he goes off air for more than 5 minutes, 200 people start to wonder if he's answering a call of nature. Voyeurism if ever there was a thing. He can't even pick his nose without people making a point of it.

Not like the spire on O'Connell Street. I never got the point of that. A giant needle to get rid of a drug problem? Nahhhh....

Still, it's fairly natural to be a little envious of people with nicer stuff. Kinda gets religion involved.

Either way though, it could be a lot worse. If you have your life and your freedom, then count yourself lucky. The clothes on your back and the chair beneath your arse - along with everything else you have - are all gravy.

How then to supress the common greed? Satiate with ignorance perhaps? Defoe suggested the middle station, as he put it. The notorious B.I.G. advised 'mo money mo problems' (from the album life after death). So we are thus tasked to find a state where our material wealth offers us a state of simple comfort and nothing more. The man with the second house is left to fret and worry for its safety. To lessen this worry, there is insurance. Insurance costs money. Money costs time, unless you're lucky.

In the end then, you arrive where you started. Life is more than a defiant stand against senessence. Folks smarter than me have spent more time trying to pin it down for themselves. Still, I don't think a concrete definition of what life is and means will help, even if it is general enough to apply to the majority.

There will always be farmers. There will always be tools the farmers need, though they need not rely on others for this. You can tell where this is going. Farmers need tools, which needs metal, which needs metalworkers, who need miners, who mine ore, which is smelted by smelters, and they all need food. We also need scribes to keep track of things like how much food the farmer has and how much ore the miner has mined for the smelter who in turn will make metals for the metalworker. There will always be dishonesty and wickedness, so there will also always be laws and armies to defend the just. The just are fearful. The armies and laws do their best to minimise the fear by creating ever more complex weapons and legislation.

In only 8 lines, the complexity of the world has begun to spiral outside the comprehension of the ordinary man. It would be simpler if there were only miners and farmers, but the miners would eventually discover gold.

I'm sure the first original thought is written down somewhere. I just haven't read it yet.

#24 Good things end

2008-10-25T01:54:00.002+01:00

Last day at work today. I'll miss that place. As a parting prank, I changed all the desktop backgrounds and swapped the 'n' and 'm' keys on my keyboard I was working with. The conpamy will soom be semdimg stramge enails. I also left some videos for them. The office will definitely be quieter without me.

Heheh.

'Course the real prank is the one you allude to. The one that keeps them guessing. Like the classic 3 pigs, painted '1' '3' and '4'.

#23 Song about emigration and also video blogs are somewhat embarrasing

2008-10-23T00:14:00.004+01:00

It's the classic caveat. Tape recording your own voice, looking at holiday snaps, seeing yourself on video - "I sound, look and appear terrible!" Unless you have the brass neck to pull it off of course. Otherwise it's just embarrassing.

This evening's post is a song I wrote about emigration. I didn't put any music to it because that would mean I'd need to learn the lyrics to sing it live. I might put music to it at the weekend though :)

Traditional emigration songs are full of woe and pain. They feature themes like homesickness and depression. Mine is based on disappointment and whimsy. The neat thing about songs of this type is that you can improve the lyrics with the passage of time. Have a look, suggest changes, even add verses in the comments if you like!

The Emigration Song

Oh I'm singing about emigration
Just to have something to do
Yes I'm singing about emigration
And how it may affect you

Should I be singing about emigration?
Given my lopsided views
Should I be singing about emigration?
Or is it something I should do?

Sure I'm singing about emigration,
My country's sad to see me leave
I'm tryin' to be flyin' to Australia
Ticket price, plus anudder tenner paleas (ah jayz!)

Yeah I'm signing about emigration,
Taxes and charges and fees
I'm getting the hell off the Island
I may return soon, say in 2033

Ahhhhhh, that's the thing about emigration
The country's in dire straits indeed
I'm almost down to hockin' me body parts
I've hardly any blood left to bleed!

Though the odd thing about emigration
Tis what we're taught to think and believe (Yes Minister!)
Global economic recession (loada *******)
Buy pizza, pay extra for cheese (ah for feck sake)

So I'm off on to go emigratin'
Here in Ireland I can't make ends meet
And apologies to the wife and de chiseller
Expect a cheque when I get to Tennessee!

#22 Video games eat time

2008-10-13T01:06:00.002+01:00

Yep, been mostly playing games today. Next week, I might even post about the chart.

#21 Gonna try make this a weekly

2008-10-05T23:14:00.004+01:00

Alrighty, second ever podcast. Hope you like it :) I think I'll put this on youtube as well. That way more people will see it. I left the sound low enough so you can turn it up yourselves. 5 minutes might be a bit heavy, so future videos will need to be shorter, or more compressed.

Interesting observation on freedom there; sometimes you don't know what to do with it.

I put too much effort into this. Next week, I'll probably just put in audio and a picture. The reason I'm using video is because I can't find the audio uploader. I know I could probably host the files elsewhere, but meh. This is easier. Most folk have broadband these days, and someday I'll appriciate visual aides.

In fact, I'll try and take film or other pictures for the next few videos. That'll be easier. Maybe a film of a walk through the local park. You could decide for me :)

'Course I'll have to keep going to work in the meantime, but that doesn't mean I'll be entirely without free time. Hehe, free time. Nice idea. Folks earn their time by slogging it out at work. It's a crazy idea that you might spend a days pay on a ticket to a show. Once in a lifetime experience? Yeah I guess so, that would be worth the time spent abiding with drudgery.

Here's a question: how is some time spent while other time is wasted?

#20 Podcast experiment

2008-10-03T01:08:00.005+01:00

Ok, so I've made my first podcast. Hopefully you lovely people will be able to download it and listen to it. I had to make it really quiet because it's 1:30am on a school night. Not that I'm still in school or anything but you get the idea.

#19 The future will be here tomorrow

2008-10-01T23:46:00.002+01:00

Cows in slippers! Genius!

Hang on, all cows are free range, right? The fence keeps the predators out.

TV is very silly.

I got my work nickname today - Bundy - from the odd laugh I get when something odd happens. Show me a picture of a Hadron supercollider and you'll see why.

Oooh, the weather. Seems there's a storm on the way. There goes the weekend! Plenty of weather on the way.

Dreadful joke: What do you get when you cross the titanic with the atlantic ocean? Half way.

I really ought to start podcasting. It's probably easier than I think too.

Seems the company I work my job for doesn't pay overtime. Work the timeclock? What would you do?

#18 Is freedom a stat or skill?

2008-09-29T21:08:00.002+01:00

http://www.owenfitzpatrick.com/meetowen/philosophy/philosophy.php#SlideFrame_1

This guy says "Personal Freedom is your own ability to take control over the way you think and feel and decide to become happier and more successful."

Surely it can't be that easy?

Mind over matter? What about all those external stimuli?

That financial crisis for instance. A whole bunch of people are pretty frazzled after the house of representitives shot down the savey deal. It's not quite the same as congress, but I'm a little fuzzy on that.

Still, the suggestion is that happiness and freedom are linked - not a bad idea. They might even be the same thing.

So maybe personal freedom as an ability relies on mental spam filters. If all the outside stuff bums you out, the only way you can get happy again is thinking your way there. Almost a bit like other skills and stats e.g. long distance running, stamina, patience, origami or dancing.

#17 Names that would be unsuitable for a horse

2008-09-27T19:14:00.003+01:00

Never name your horse minge.

Or do. It would be fun.

In other news, I'm starting to lose enthusiam for work. And I'll buy spore when they remove the DRM.

#16 Storm front approaching

2008-09-25T22:59:00.005+01:00

Big stuff coming in next week.

Yep.

I'd better get ready.

Remember, emulation is the greatest form of flattery.

Why are wheelchair ramps so slow? Saftey?

Comm skills went up a little today, along with working memory. Practise helps in all things.

I'd like to learn how to raise my right eyebrow. I can raise the left one just fine, not sure how to work the other one.

#15 Shopping around

2008-09-21T20:45:00.004+01:00

Looks can be deceiving.

I mentioned before that time buys money.

I thought about this. Money has value. There are many different types of money. The type of money I earn has a much higher value in places like Eastern Europe. In fact, as I go east, the value of my money goes up. There are plenty of factors at play here, far too many to quantify within the system of my blog.

In a similar way, time has value. Just like money, where you are determines what it's worth. What's my time worth right now? Not a lot really. I'm spending it watching TV. Successful people don't watch TV (apparently). Tomorrow morning at work my time will be worth a wage, because I'll be spending it pushing paper.

SO, I suppose economics determines what my money is worth. Does free will determine what my time is worth?

The other thing is that you need both time and money to survive. When you run out of time, you don the wings and head up to the pearly gates (hopefully) . But when you run out of money, bad things happen.

Money buys time, time buys money. Money can buy happiness, or at least the means to attain it. Whoever said otherwise obviously never heard of buying tickets to a comedy gig, or a nice holiday, or even a rigamarole PA to find a date. Courtship can be expensive. The grand objective appears to require significant amounts of time and money, but the return on investment is well worth it.

I'm trading time for money. It's working out. Now I need to find a way of spending my time towards the current objective: Stat increases.

#14 What an awful prang

2008-09-21T01:55:00.003+01:00

And so, a standard reinstall ended up with a virused machine. Not a great week.

I'll get'er done eventually. Stats though, they've changed.

Confidence took a hit because I screwed up majorly
Memory, a perceived stat, took a hit too. I'd already downloaded the software in work where it wreaked havoc. For some reason, I thought the same software wouldn't cause the same problem.

Lemme paint the bigger picture here: Sibelius 2 needed a reinstall. I uninstalled it. Silly man, don't click custom!! Oh Noes!! Now the folder with all Dads work in it has been uninstalled too!!

Oie...

Ok, so try and reinstall? Okie, where's the serial number?

Oh Noes!!!! No serial number! Uninstall again? Yes. Oh dear, where are all the work scores? Oh noes... They've been wiped! Quick, get the Helix disc! FTK or FileRecovery! Save me!!

Oh NOES! They didn't help at all! Hmmm, what to do... Other recovery software? Worth a try... Even though FTK says the folder is all zeros now.

Ok, what's the best one? Recover my files? K, let's try this... later.

Oh, the guys at work wiped a flash card. I have recover my files. Let's try it.

Eeep. That installer was virused. Now the work computer needs to be fixed.

Hm, shame about what happened at work. Let's try the same file at home.

Oh noes. Oh NOES!! Now my home PC has a virus! Damn you smit.fraud!

Oie, this isn't pretty.

But at least now I have all the tools I need to fix both infections :(
smit.fraud isn't malicious (if kaspersky is to be believed) but it's a right pain to remove.

So as you can see from the above story, I did a series of very stupid things. Worse still, I kept rushing into doing stupider things.
Both infected systems have dual boot (two operating systems - 1 good, 1 bad), so fixing them won't be completely impossible. I just need to work out a pathology to success. Everyone has problems, but very few have solutions. I should count myself lucky.

My wish for a superpower is to know the exact solution to any problem I encounter. I mean I could say scientific problem or engineering, but why limit what I might need to know? The internet already has this power. It wouldn't be beyond my powers of learning either. In the story above, I've had to learn from necessity.

Another harsh lesson.

#13 Artsy

2008-09-18T21:36:00.003+01:00

I drew this yesterday.

K, so the guy in the middle is a smiley pink dude with 4 legs, 1 of which is from a table, and the other 3 clad in tights. His right ear is either a hole punch or a paper clasp (you know, like those big black metal paper clips?). I was actually trying to draw an A4 punch, go for the whole pierced ear visual pun gag there. The legs are the metal bits from the paper clasps too. Above him we have a blue cloud long bed pick-up truck with a scorpion tail that also has a flame thrower for those roadside BBQ doos. Not sure why it's blue. Then in the bottom corner, we have my initials and the year of creation. Beside that, stickman wearing the badly drawn fez is asking 'eh?' because he's in the picture, but not quite getting it, and there's purple rain along the right side as a tribute to Milli Vanilli and Prince, who wrote blame on the rain and purple rain respectively.

Funny thing, art.

#12 Halfway from the start is halfway to the finish

2008-09-16T22:55:00.003+01:00

I'm getting the hang of this. As to work, my theory was right. I was vindicated too, so I'm glad I came clean and let everyone know where I was. Being in Ireland seems to mean you can call someone or leave them a voicemail and they won't call me back. I'm just as guilty as everyone else. I took down the voicemails this morning from the night before. Wanna know how many I called back? 2. I think. Boss wasn't happy about that. 'Course if you only leave a name and number then hang up, will I think it's important? Probably not.

Why am I putting up with this? Well, I need money. I have plenty of time, so I figure I can trade some of it for money. Time is money, remember? That also means money is time, which explains why people hire plumbers, electricians, computer repair men, driving instructors and other things, like water, gas, oil, electricity, transport and groceries.

Economics described in 2 lines. Take that Wikipedia!

Oooh Peggle!

#11 Tree in the Forest

2008-09-13T02:33:00.001+01:00

If you drop a pebble in a pool, how long will it take for the ripples to subside?

#10 Stride

2008-09-10T21:12:00.005+01:00

Handwriting skill improved today. Paperwork management, work habits and customer relations skills are also up.

Still working on it all. Hope you're all reading good books :)

Here's a picture of a TV oozing what might be cheese:

It's art Jim but not as we know it.

#9 Reality Intervenes

2008-09-08T19:37:00.002+01:00

The real first day was today. Because my social stat is so low, working with customers is very difficult. The first week will be a true test. Toughness has been revealed as dangerously low. An offhand remark or angry person seems to cause a long lasting sometimes permanent confidence debuff, a stat that can't afford to go any lower. If it does, introversion will take a sharp rise, and social will plummet until confidence recovers.

The 'forget about it' ability needs to be learned. Otherwise the foibles of everyday life will eventually crush me. Toughness is low because of a long period of self imposed social isolation, largely related to the shyness trait. Why it should be that I can't take the mildest of knocks is yours to decide. Bound and retained such as these wounds are, remedied only by love. So we should hope.

Everything works out in the end. God plays dice, and the dice are loaded. Kay surah surah. Another Day another Dollar. Live to work or work to live.

Winter is coming.

#8 Time marches on

2008-09-08T00:02:00.003+01:00

So well we are, happy and healthy, or hopefully at least so.

Stats update today.

Social is up 10%
Beermat flipping skills levelled up thanks to a successful first attempt at a stack of 10 (asynchronously sized, half aerial turn, fingertip catch, 2 witnesses). Beermat skills now stand at level 4
Hearing took some temporary damage due to all that loud music
Loneliness is on the rise, +1% every hour
Organisational skills are set to rise steadily until the end of the month
Sleepyness is rising steadily, so this post won't last much longer
Dancing abilities rose by 2D6%. Those of you playing at home should roll 2D6 now.
Maturity rose by 1 D10%. Mental age is now estimated at around 19 years.
Despondency caused by the humdrum nature of life rose slightly

Maybe next week I'll post up my alternate zodiac. It should blow traditional astrology out of the water.

#7 I'm lucky, but sometimes everything changes

2008-09-03T21:16:00.004+01:00

Routine. Any freedom in that? Sure: how about the freedom from thought?

Some freedoms aren't as good as others. Heh, the freedom to choose freedoms, now that's a good one. All freedoms have limits. Bush said there ought to be limits to freedom. Not sure if he was joking, but there are.

You've the freedom of your time up to when you get hungry or thirsty. Then you lose a freedom to your body. This one loss starts the domino effect. You have to go find food and/or water (usually water).

What would life be like if we didn't need food or water? Now that I think about it Jesus said a lot about bread and water.

Let's say you could still eat and drink for fun. No famine, that's a given. Pestilence? That'd take a hit for sure. Plenty of folks died from bad food and water. War? Majorly hit too. Food competition is out of the equation so all we fight over are things like natural resources. Not sure if oil would still cause problems. Death? Hard to say. Isn't aging caused by oxidization? Call an expert in.

Most of what I'm writing about has already been written elsewhere. The difference is that I'm piecing it all together for myself from places like books and modern media.

The grand objective remains. This perhaps brings in a third need.

Love.

#6 First Day

2008-09-02T00:13:00.000+01:00

First day of the rest of my life, of Autumn, of September, of what will be. This means a lot of stats over near the relationship wall will start moving about. An odd mood dip occured earlier today but passed. Full moon I guess. The language is coming on nicely, the book has stalled and the other blog is sporadically updated.

Sickiness is up due to a rather terrible diet. I was thinking of adding Health status somehow. Life is pretty three-dimensional as is free will, so I might add Health as the floor. It'd fit nicely, because without good health, very few of the other walls matter. Religion holds up in the hopes that belief in healing has been demonstated to cure disease e.g. faith healing and the placebo effect.

Financial situation might improve in 4 weeks.

Common sense now dicates that sleepiness should be decreased. There is much to be done tomorrow.

#5 The four walls: Philosophy

2008-08-30T23:11:00.000+01:00

Mr T. with a cello

Anyways, Philosophy is a super broad longtall wall that nearly almost makes the floor and ceiling for freedom. Ethics, being a branch of philosophy that shares a corner wall with common sense. Its chief tennant is 'be nice'

I'm actually watching a creepy film right now about extreme right wing feminism. Made back in the 90s so it was. Seems to point out that the application of religion to free will needs to be carefully thought out. Plenty of history to back that up.

People don't fight if they think they're free. That'd be one of the ideas from the matrix. So we sort of owe science fiction a nod as a form of accessable modern philosophy. Existenialism wouldn't make a lick of sense if there wasn't a whacky film about it (sure it wouldn't be nearly as entertaining either).

Today's existential thought: if you don't work, you don't exist.

Oh bloody hell, now the film characters are playing scrabble! Damn NeoCons! (hehe, that'll look funny later)

Offhand cute thought: Baby Polar Bears!

EMERGENCY! Mam doesn't know what Pacman is! Code Blue!

.... err, yellow even. Hell, code RAINBOW!

#4 There goes my neighbourhood!

2008-08-29T01:52:00.000+01:00

Houseflies don't have patios, shoeflies don't have laces and horseflies never whinny. But if they did...

I updated firefox like everyone else and am liking it so far. Not sure I approve of the past links thing. It seems my computer knows more about me than I do!

Anyways, my snarled up thumb is healing nicely, the midge bites have nearly stop itching and there are 2 days of summer left. And I never did have that BBQ. Ahh, large quantities of flame-throwered meat. Maybe next year.

Stats have changed as follows
Depression is up from 10% to 13% because I won't be at electric picnic (the annual music festival). Bad social planning mostly to blame here. And a complete lack of funds, though that's being addressed.

I.T. savvy is up a few more points due to my sucessful installing of windows 98 under virtual PC. I was actually trying to get Dungeon Keeper to run again with no success. The same endevour sees self worth drop a point because I still can't get the thing working. Disappointment also sees a moderate increase of 7%. Overall mood now stands at 80% (where 50% is the middle of the scale), falling slowly.

Mood may well continue to drop until I get over my game cravings. It is unlikely to occur having been an addict for so long. Probably one of the negative aspects of the gamer character trait.

Mood is now around 65%, (yeah, it flucuates fast) so even though my perceived sleepiness stat is low, actual sleepiness, established habit, cultural norm and societal expectation mean a high likelihood of sleep.

Current philosophical bent: genetical custodians.
Long term objectives: gather resources to satisfy needs as defined by Maslow and others;
contribute to the discovery of nuclear fusion.
Maudlin thought: 15 years of childhood and only a videogame collection to show for it.
Mid term objectives: Meet new people (oh the horror! A technocrat otaku meeting new people!)[mood rose 8%]
Short term objectives: Consider human behaviour and evaluate existing lexography to determine if it can be defined succintly.

#3.5

2008-08-27T17:34:00.001+01:00

Seems one of my posts got lost in the ether. Not to worry. This week, I have mostly been doing yard work. Injuries now include 2 sore thumbs, several midge bites, and some minor scarring. These should all clear up by the end of next week.

As you can see, I haven't managed to come up with a decent name for this post. Not to worry. Over the weekend, a few skills increased such as electrician (+2), DIY (+3) and lawn mowing (+2). These 3 skills currently belong to the common sense sphere, but you can choose as many spheres as you like. Remember, you're in control here!

As for current buffs and debuffs, the weekend working outdoors means I now have the mosquito temp debuff (itchyness +5), the good days work buff temp buff and the large pile of laundry debuff which doesn't really have any effect other than a time defecit (so -time I guess, and of course the random stat mods associated with doing laundry).

Unlike linear games, free will uses sliders that go both up and down. There are positive and negative. I figure most MMOs are virtualisations of real life in one form or another so it makes sense that real life has more sliders, stats and skills than you could shake a stick at. I'll list a few more in 3 days.

#2 Current Stats

2008-08-22T16:06:00.000+01:00

Let's take a look at some of my stats:
Height: 'bout 176cm or 5'10" and a bit
Weight: 85kg or 187lbs (erring on the heavy side)
Diet: Whatever I find in the freezer
Most useful skill: Computer troubleshooting
Current attire: Pyjamas
Mood: Frivolous, Generally Positive
Current activity: Watching Olympic table tennis
Hungryness: Low (9%)
Thirtyness: Low (20%)
Personal hygene: 42%
Energy levels: 78%
Perspicasity: Normal (56%)
Confidence: Steady
Outlook: 68%

#1 Welcome to Free Will!

2008-08-22T03:29:00.001+01:00

Have you ever wondered what it might be like if you were playing a game like the Sims with real people? It'd be pretty interesting. That sort of the idea with this blog. You, dear reader, get to decide what I should do with my day. Just like a video game character, I have stats, attributes, skills and equipment. In order to gain favour, you have to suggest good courses of action. Regular players who suggest beneficial things like 'eat a healthy breakfast' or 'get some exercise' will be given more attention than players suggesting things like 'jump off a bridge' or 'stay up pask 4am playing video games'.

The ultimate goal of the game is to turn a 20something male nerd into a successful human being who goes to church, pays taxes and is a general asset to society. The game is complete when I, your character, have completed a series of objectives, such as 'hold down a steady job with good pay and prospects' and ' get married and start a family'.

As various challenges are faced, relevant abilities will become available such as social skills, technical skills, fashion sense and the all important confidence stat. It's up to you though to decide what I should do in a given situation.

On the right, we can see the free will chart. There are limits to free will of course, because without them, we wouldn't know it existed. As you can see, Laws (of man and the universe like treason and physics) restrict free will, as do relationships, common sense and religion. These restrictions are subject to change as I grow and learn.

You'll also notice that free will is encircled. This represents my comfort zone. Even though it doesn't touch any boundaries, there are many things I would not be comfortable doing such as tattoos, piercings, sky diving, eating spiders etc. Players who can make the circle bigger earn points for expanding the comfort zone, even though this objective is perhaps the most difficult to attain.

Since the game has just begun, Confidence is 0/100 and at level 2. This means I can just about order lunch in subway without getting too embarrassed and can even ask for directions when lost.

Computer skills on the other hand are reasonably good, since I have a qualification in the field. Right now, they're 22/100, level 8 and rising, since I'm learning how to use this blogging software. In particular, my computer networking skills rose recently thanks to a bit of tinkering with some RJ11 cable.

Your first task is to decide what my stats and stats should be. You can come up with as many different stat types as you like for me and I'll assign various numbers which you can then argue up or down. Do I need a bladder control stat? Should I have a yoyo skill? Should I apply for a job at the zoo as a wolverine herder? You decide!

My free will - It's in your hands!