#57 Hits and misses

I'm glad I go out hurling. It's doing. Whether I hit the ball or not doesn't matter. When the ball sails half way down the field, I smile. When it drops to the ground followed by a swish, I wind up and try again. Brush, brush, toss, grip, swing, hit, follow through. That's all there is to it really. Toss height to a point between shoulder and chin seems to give good results. Two months ago I'dve been happy with 2 or 3 hits an hour.

I hope I'm stretching and warming up right. That's important. All days are valuable, but those days when you wake up early and go to bed tired are more valuable than others. How peculiar will it be to look back on all I've written after several short years? Yeah, it'll take longer than I thought. That's part of the deal.

I have googled 'hope is cruel'. The results appear to have timed out. How wonderfully ironic! I will go from this place and keep my words for myself. Smiles and nods. Don't say too much.

Don't say too much.

I have a great many people to thank for the progress I've been able to make.

#56 Setbacks

All the fineries of this world ultimatley cost time. Some more than others. This monitor is very nice, but it will soon be useless. It goes against the new way of thinking. Reality offers more, so spending money undermining reality makes no sense. It would be nice to have, yes, but I can get by without it.

I wish I could guarantee at least partial completion of the grand objective. Sadly, it's a chip away per day affair. Some parts will hopefully be simpler than others. Maybe I didn't expect myself to go out walking every day, but I had hoped to lose a few pounds. Any day now. The problem now is keeping things interesting. The same old route has become tiresome. I'll need something fun with incidental weight loss.

Time for sleep now. There's nothing on the Internet really worth 4am. Not really.

#55 Quiet self loathing

The Internet says I am dissatisfied. I found this comforting due to its succintness. Not depressed, or angry, or vastly upset in any way. Just dissatisfied.

With the objective in mind of improvment in generalities, I think I need to write more helpful, practical posts. Things like mowing a lawn covered in weed killer or powerhosing brick walls as a way to prepare surfaces for fresh paint. That sort of thing. Short words work too you know.

Turns out my hurley is heavy because it has dried out. Might leave it out this winter. I never did check to see if the metal bandings are still legal.

#54 A Quarter twice and a third of a dozen

So I'm 25 now. And indeed I will be for a long time. Its nice being able to forget what age I am. I'm really wishing life was more like Oblivion. Man, I'd be sooo good at life if it were. I guess I'll just have to get the hang of this reality style interface. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Rationalisation of life as a system derived from a simulation of life isn't such a smart move. But I think it has its merits. A simulation allows for consequence free mistakes. Then again, games are fun. Games become less fun the closer they get to real life. Second Life I find appaling. The graphics are just broken. I have no other word for it. That in-your-face interface is failsauced and licenced to the ballistic chicken company. Oh what a shame.

Jewel cases just can't encompass the artwork of the old prog rock records. Some of those were awesome. The old vinyl record sleeve for Thick as a Brick came with a sodding newspaper! That's awesome! I mean I know Spinal Tap are doing a lot with their new CD, but what are you supposed to play with while you listen to your new record you went to the shops to buy. If you even got that far. The pictures were brilliant. Am I supposed to pass on my old hard drives full of digital pictures to my kin? That aint the same.

And it's my birthday. I'm watching the sun rise as I do on most days, looking out the window as I type. I'm so glad I learned how to type. The hills look lovely. I do wish they'd turn out the streetlamps a little earlier though. Surely we could save a heap of carbon if there was a better way of going about municipal lighting.

That stabbing pain I had in my right lung went away. I can still feel the spot where I got it. Not swine flu of course. Probably just a nasty strain. How I did it is anyone's guess. The new raincoat works a treat. It's not so good at keeping my legs dry but it should keep the rain off if I get caught out.

I'll figure out how to wire this TV for audio pretty soon. I got my 7.1 calibrated quite nicely. The t7700s I use from creative aren't true 7.1 per se since they upmix from 5.1 and clone the side and rear channels, so I use an RCA splitter from the side channel to distribute the sounds from the card straight to those 2 speakers. Only downside it that I can't adjust them with my volume dial. I did manage to list out my channels though. That'll save me time later. Maybe I should swap the RCA over to handle front left and right? Might make more sense. the side speakers are tucked in a wardrobe and behind the curtains. I have to turn them right up with the equaliser. It's reasonably well balanced but you know how I love to meddle.

Time to sleep. Last time for my 24 year old self. I think I'm 25 years and 44 minutes old right now. Gladly recording this for some other day.

Below is my car ear (carear), heading off into the dawn.

#53 The waiting game sucks, let's play hungry hungry hippos

The continuing cycles of mania and depression take their toll. I helped cut grass. I'll have to make up for lost miles tomorrow. An intention might be all that's required. Something to turn the taps. I'd like to thank everyone for stopping by. Apologies to myself of 6 months later. It's a fine illusion that's plausible and possible.

I can never quite remember what it was I had intended to do at about this time. Actuality will occur in a manner entirely unexpected. Zombie Paintball. Interesting idea. Maybe I'll need help.

If life were a game of Oblivion, I'd have won by now.

#52 Still smiling, still walking

Whenever you're ready there, life. Any time now. Free will. A choice you'd rather make knowing what you'll know in ten years.

Oh yeah, charge the batteries. Better do that now. Bah, no sign of the charger.

I couldn't guess how far away the objective is, but I am taking pictures. Phase 2 is always full of unanswerable questions. Any direction could be the right one at this stage. Can't seem to get a clear shot of that heron though. Always blurry. Couldn't hit half a ball today either. Not too sure what was wrong, might've been my grip. It was pretty windy too. Took me a good half hour to adjust. Got a few yards in the end. My ground swing needed the work. The view is usually nice enough on the field, but I rarely have the place to myself. I doubt tomorrow will be any different. It's going to be a long weekend.

Not much to look forward to. Walks and pictures is pretty much it. Should have a good collection by the end of the year. Autumn will be important. Time for rest again. Some routines get boring, but the whole point is not having to think so much.

#51 How am I supposed to know?

Life means life experience. This is something I've deftly managed to avoid for one reason or another. As for what I have, am, thinking, or might quietly become, I can safely say I have no idea. When you spend close to 300 hours playing Oblivion, it becomes clear that you've finished videogames. I've got Eve Online running in the background. Amazingly, I can play the game without playing the game. Handy.

Half my readership has departed on a well deserved holiday. I found an old fippeny bit in the car park. That means 5p. There it is there. A throwback perhaps to a more bullish economic era. In truth though, the early 90s weren't easy for a lot of people.

The next paragraph is depressing. For this reason, we would like to advise readers of a plum alert.

There's not a lot I can think to do really. Keep applying for jobs, keeping getting no reply or the odd rejection letter. Not even Ikea will hire me. So I'm here going around saying things like "can't even get a job in Ikea". Cheery? Me? Apparently, I'm supposed to have a career by now, or at least a plan. I'd much rather go out for a walk. At least that's something I know I can do. Hopefully the weather will hold out too.