#57 Hits and misses

I'm glad I go out hurling. It's doing. Whether I hit the ball or not doesn't matter. When the ball sails half way down the field, I smile. When it drops to the ground followed by a swish, I wind up and try again. Brush, brush, toss, grip, swing, hit, follow through. That's all there is to it really. Toss height to a point between shoulder and chin seems to give good results. Two months ago I'dve been happy with 2 or 3 hits an hour.

I hope I'm stretching and warming up right. That's important. All days are valuable, but those days when you wake up early and go to bed tired are more valuable than others. How peculiar will it be to look back on all I've written after several short years? Yeah, it'll take longer than I thought. That's part of the deal.

I have googled 'hope is cruel'. The results appear to have timed out. How wonderfully ironic! I will go from this place and keep my words for myself. Smiles and nods. Don't say too much.

Don't say too much.

I have a great many people to thank for the progress I've been able to make.

#53 The waiting game sucks, let's play hungry hungry hippos

The continuing cycles of mania and depression take their toll. I helped cut grass. I'll have to make up for lost miles tomorrow. An intention might be all that's required. Something to turn the taps. I'd like to thank everyone for stopping by. Apologies to myself of 6 months later. It's a fine illusion that's plausible and possible.

I can never quite remember what it was I had intended to do at about this time. Actuality will occur in a manner entirely unexpected. Zombie Paintball. Interesting idea. Maybe I'll need help.

If life were a game of Oblivion, I'd have won by now.

#32 Now for something completely different

I have to accept that whining is counterproductive. It is the linguistic equivalent of cocaine. Everything is in place. Now I can enjoy Christmas. Yes, I'll fix it. I'll have to. What I'm becoming is unacceptable.

I hope to prove myself wrong.

Certainty is merely a lack of doubt. Recent psych tests suggest I am an INTP or an ESFP. Don't rely on clichés. Knowing which end is the business end helps.

I saw that coming.

Aww, that's nice. Hey! That dinosaur speaks Irish! Neat!

I suppose I could write up my game reviews here, maybe even start a new blog. Then I could resume where I left off.

#31 Users manual

This week, I've mostly been writing my users manual. For me. That's right, it's a users manual all about how I work. I think it's a good idea. We used to write short documentation schrifts in college for the odd programmes we made. None of my code ever worked really, but I made up the marks on the documentation sections. Overall, I tended to break even.

The manual is going well so far. It appears I am woefully lacking in social skills. Not sure how to address this. I've been writing a lot. No change there though. I crank out 1500 words on video games easily enough. Used to be the way. I sure hope www.gamerseurope.com comes back soon.

There's a problem though. I lost faith in computers after my hard drives failed. I knew they were going, but the real issue is security. I just can't cope with the darn things breaking all the time. I can't imagine how much time and grief... It's pretty awful. I'm still stuck for something else to do. Best alternative so far is music. Mostly, writing has filled the time. I'll keep working on the few stories and the users manual. Sticktoitiveness would be nice if I could get it.

Big issue now is how to achieve success without leaving the couch. Do I have to get up? I sure hope not. Still battling with common despair of course. I've always had Christmas to look forward to. I think perhaps a fine vintage of writing will be uncorked on that day.

The sum total of my existance now appears to be one where I do nothing but fill in forms and wait for things to happen. Heaven forbid I should take action. I haven't even really been outside nor can I gauge the last time I went out. A long time ago no doubt. Net total nights out is abysmally low.

In sooth, I have yet to live.