#82 Where's the fun in that?

I'll try my hand at comedy. 3 pages of writing seems to produce 2 good jokes, so it's a bit like gold mining in some ways.

I dislike coding because I can't play with it. There's no fun in it like there is in gaming. Gaming throws the fun right in your face. You don't have to work for it like you do with coding. It's only 3 weeks in and I'm already falling out of love with assembly. Bummer.

Here comes the downswing.

And coding is so not like lego. There aren't nearly as many shapes and colours with coding as there are with lego. Nothing I try with coding fits together either. I can't chew code. I loved chewing lego. I think I might have even swallowed a few bits. Can't quite remember. You can't swallow code. It's not for you. It's for the machine.

#53 The waiting game sucks, let's play hungry hungry hippos

The continuing cycles of mania and depression take their toll. I helped cut grass. I'll have to make up for lost miles tomorrow. An intention might be all that's required. Something to turn the taps. I'd like to thank everyone for stopping by. Apologies to myself of 6 months later. It's a fine illusion that's plausible and possible.

I can never quite remember what it was I had intended to do at about this time. Actuality will occur in a manner entirely unexpected. Zombie Paintball. Interesting idea. Maybe I'll need help.

If life were a game of Oblivion, I'd have won by now.

#51 How am I supposed to know?

Life means life experience. This is something I've deftly managed to avoid for one reason or another. As for what I have, am, thinking, or might quietly become, I can safely say I have no idea. When you spend close to 300 hours playing Oblivion, it becomes clear that you've finished videogames. I've got Eve Online running in the background. Amazingly, I can play the game without playing the game. Handy.

Half my readership has departed on a well deserved holiday. I found an old fippeny bit in the car park. That means 5p. There it is there. A throwback perhaps to a more bullish economic era. In truth though, the early 90s weren't easy for a lot of people.

The next paragraph is depressing. For this reason, we would like to advise readers of a plum alert.

There's not a lot I can think to do really. Keep applying for jobs, keeping getting no reply or the odd rejection letter. Not even Ikea will hire me. So I'm here going around saying things like "can't even get a job in Ikea". Cheery? Me? Apparently, I'm supposed to have a career by now, or at least a plan. I'd much rather go out for a walk. At least that's something I know I can do. Hopefully the weather will hold out too.

#46 Not so merry go around

I just saw a CV online of a guy who won a medal in mathematics - he can't get a job either. Looked for my old Snes in the loft there. I found some old school notebooks. They suggest the rut is at least 11 years long and growing.

I wonder when I gave up on myself? Some time during the 90s I think?

Hmph, that'll pop up on wefeelfine.com and grand if it does. My namesakes have take top spot on google so anonymity is assured. At the very least, whining and moaning appears to be an amicable way to pass the time. Thankfully, cheering me up is remarkably easy.

#26 Things fall apart, computers fail, resolve leaves

Computers can do much good for this world. They can spread stories like this one.

Sometimes they break. Sometimes when they break I must fix them. Often, I am the only one around who can do this.

I am the only one.

This fact is complicated.
I am needed. Good. I am alone. Bad. I can fix it. Good. I have to learn how to fix it. Bad. I can try to explain the problem to others. Good. They won't understand. Bad. If I do fix it, people will say well done and forget about it. Bad. I can't be sure my fix will hold. Bad. I don't know if it will break again. Bad. I don't know how to fix it. Bad. I don't know how to fix it. Bad. I have to try and learn how to fix it. Only I can fix it. Bad. It's my fault. Bad. I created the problem. Bad. I didn't mean to cause a fuss. Good. Computers are wasting my life. Bad. I am wasting me life on computers. Bad. Chocolate. Good. Too much chocolate. Bad. There are too many things I don't know. Bad. I am addicted. Bad. I know. Good. I don't change it. Bad. I want to change. Good. I don't know if I want to change. Bad.

20 years stint leaves a pretty big dint. I'll need something big to fill a rather large void. Presuming of course I actually manage to pull this off. If I fix it, then the reason dies. I go back to the old ways, none the wiser. Then I stay up til 6:30am watching sub par television blogging to no one and thinking to myself - is that all there is? Don't bother watching the video here, just listen to the song.

If I am going to stick with computers, then I'll have to get smarter. It takes a lot of wherewithal to build a ladder out of a rut. I'll need tools to do it.
Any ideas?

#4 There goes my neighbourhood!

Houseflies don't have patios, shoeflies don't have laces and horseflies never whinny. But if they did...

I updated firefox like everyone else and am liking it so far. Not sure I approve of the past links thing. It seems my computer knows more about me than I do!

Anyways, my snarled up thumb is healing nicely, the midge bites have nearly stop itching and there are 2 days of summer left. And I never did have that BBQ. Ahh, large quantities of flame-throwered meat. Maybe next year.

Stats have changed as follows
Depression is up from 10% to 13% because I won't be at electric picnic (the annual music festival). Bad social planning mostly to blame here. And a complete lack of funds, though that's being addressed.

I.T. savvy is up a few more points due to my sucessful installing of windows 98 under virtual PC. I was actually trying to get Dungeon Keeper to run again with no success. The same endevour sees self worth drop a point because I still can't get the thing working. Disappointment also sees a moderate increase of 7%. Overall mood now stands at 80% (where 50% is the middle of the scale), falling slowly.

Mood may well continue to drop until I get over my game cravings. It is unlikely to occur having been an addict for so long. Probably one of the negative aspects of the gamer character trait.

Mood is now around 65%, (yeah, it flucuates fast) so even though my perceived sleepiness stat is low, actual sleepiness, established habit, cultural norm and societal expectation mean a high likelihood of sleep.

Current philosophical bent: genetical custodians.
Long term objectives: gather resources to satisfy needs as defined by Maslow and others;
contribute to the discovery of nuclear fusion.
Maudlin thought: 15 years of childhood and only a videogame collection to show for it.
Mid term objectives: Meet new people (oh the horror! A technocrat otaku meeting new people!)[mood rose 8%]
Short term objectives: Consider human behaviour and evaluate existing lexography to determine if it can be defined succintly.