#79 Backstab

I read about lumbar puncture and fainted. That's interesting. Back to college tomorrow. I fix things and nobody notices. I bet I could brick the router and nobody would notice. Maybe I need to learn how to better accept thanks. They're grateful when it's back working, but I seem to remember their complaining longer than their thanks. I could not go through with it. 2 weeks before I get to flash with dd-wrt.

If particles emit radiation, can they also emit fields? Folks haven't looked into how much gravity is involved. How many electrons do you need before you start to feel weight?

I'll get a second opinion I guess. Moving and shaking begins in 24 hours.

#69 What, me? Worry?

I eh. Yeah.

That's a pretty good way to start. Getting well into the swing of college. Trampolining has its ups and downs (I'm really sorry about that). Got to the top of the K wall too. Maybe I'll beat the overhang next week. Thankfully, none of my exams clash this semester.

I tried Chrome the other day. It's quite nice. The skin was a bit fischer price but it worked nippily enough. A lot of the shortcuts were consistent with what I already know from Firefox. Groovy.

Maybe I'd be happier never knowing what I want to do. Sort of leaves a nothing to lose situation. Life's a bit more complicated than a zero sum game. It's just a shame it gets boiled down that way so often. Folks worry about folks who aren't sure where they're going. I figure everything is pretty awesome as it is, so why would I want to change it?

Anyways, that's a fine hornets nest right there. It's best not to kick it around. Going back to quiet is taking a little longer than I thought. Something's different? That's dynamism for you!

#50 Long time coming

It took a while. Stop reading now if you wish, the rest here follows my maudlin mode, of which I'm sure you're all familiar.

Folks have been asking why I'm on a health kick of late. They don't get it. I have asked at least half my readership to keep this latest wheeze under wraps, but it's so banal and unremarkable that I can't see any consequence of telling my other reader about it. You of course know who you are.

I walk 3 miles every day.

That's it. Nothing remarkable or interesting about it. There is an elephant in the room named 'Why'. I could come up with a dozen reasons. Gosh, I'm starting to sound like Pirsig now. Not that it makes that big a difference. I might come up with a reason to answer the question for you but it might not be the same answer for the next person, or the next. It'll be whatever I think you'll find personally acceptable.

Bit of pain in my left leg. Probably strained it but I only notice going down stairs. So this 'personally acceptable' existance. What's it all about? If you're happy with what you've got, what would you change, because the answer isn't going to be 'nothing'. Time for some realist positivism I think. And sleep of course. Free will? It's the freedom to change.

#40 Up and coming

Oh you know. Motorcycle test is all I'm doing right now. I won't might not get it, but that's not a problem. Real life might not have undo, but it does have redo.

I've learned. That's the important thing.

#38 Smashing Dreams

Only plan B left now. We live for hope. We must hope the community is better with our membership. I wish perhaps that I was someone else, if only for a day. Gumption's rising, so soon I'll change. It's so much time, but so much better spent.

It has already been stated that life as our choice is a 4 to 1 shot or 2 to 1 with a form of faith. We can better these odds again by leaving behind a legacy of some kind, usually through writing or being written of.

Thus, we do not despair. We must work on the legacy. Action is the thing. When all the din and blizzard noises have been quelled, we are left with action, sometimes a choice of action. This is free will.

Less time spent is more time saved. If it's general enough it can apply to everyone, but making it general makes it less effective. We'll contrive a reality from our own minds and faculties so that our minds need not bear the burden of the unanswerable. It is life we deign not face. So a life of our own, by our own, on our own is the result. We spend no time together. This is not the acceptable norm. This is not the common tie that binds. Of one or many, our acceptable norms presented as culture ensure we can bridge the gap between the one and the many.

The cause of frustration is that the greater half cannot accept the humdrum or the routine. It bargains with the lesser half to try and at least obtain the most remarkable routine available. It is a war of attrition. The lesser half could be happy without existence. There are levels of existence it is ready to accept. It is realities and the greater is fine high ideals.

I would save time reading what is already written. It is however my principle recreation to discover that I have independently concurred with the giants beneath my feet. These discoveries are what bring a peaceful silence to my mind.

Practicality demands we consider only things applicable to social situations. The common, the banal, and the ordinary are all perfectly acceptable. It is time to change, in a world where change is the only thing that stays the same.

#36 Personal struggles with the vaguries of reality

Now we all know children suffer horrific nightmares. It's been documented. That's just them trying to rationalise existence. Dangerous business altogether.

I've gone back to reading Plato. Nothing has really changed since his day and ours. I did realise something though. The reason you can never be happy where you are, in that happy medium is because your brains wants new stuff. It needs to learn in order to grow. Such is the same with people. We learn to grow, and grow to learn. This is hard, therefore it is worthwhile. It's the routine that really kills you. Like I said before, you are (or sometimes I am) the sum total of collected memories. The old tree falls in the forest again. Only now, there might be a camera in the sky to see it. The most noble of occupations then might be the development of technologies to ease the human burden. It certainly gives cause to the Luddites to complain. Think back to the yesterdays before mobile phones and the internet. Was it easier? Was it happier? Can you remember?

By this merit, the most useful exercise is the development of your memory. Paramount to this is a means of committing things to long term memory. Forgetting the past repeats mistakes in the future. Though because human memory is invariably fallible, we must instead rely on our technologies. Writing and its offshoots. How abhorrent would it be if we found something truly static?

We are living in a most interesting age,
when the word has been freed from it shackling page

#32 Now for something completely different

I have to accept that whining is counterproductive. It is the linguistic equivalent of cocaine. Everything is in place. Now I can enjoy Christmas. Yes, I'll fix it. I'll have to. What I'm becoming is unacceptable.

I hope to prove myself wrong.

Certainty is merely a lack of doubt. Recent psych tests suggest I am an INTP or an ESFP. Don't rely on clichés. Knowing which end is the business end helps.

I saw that coming.

Aww, that's nice. Hey! That dinosaur speaks Irish! Neat!

I suppose I could write up my game reviews here, maybe even start a new blog. Then I could resume where I left off.

#26 Things fall apart, computers fail, resolve leaves

Computers can do much good for this world. They can spread stories like this one.

Sometimes they break. Sometimes when they break I must fix them. Often, I am the only one around who can do this.

I am the only one.

This fact is complicated.
I am needed. Good. I am alone. Bad. I can fix it. Good. I have to learn how to fix it. Bad. I can try to explain the problem to others. Good. They won't understand. Bad. If I do fix it, people will say well done and forget about it. Bad. I can't be sure my fix will hold. Bad. I don't know if it will break again. Bad. I don't know how to fix it. Bad. I don't know how to fix it. Bad. I have to try and learn how to fix it. Only I can fix it. Bad. It's my fault. Bad. I created the problem. Bad. I didn't mean to cause a fuss. Good. Computers are wasting my life. Bad. I am wasting me life on computers. Bad. Chocolate. Good. Too much chocolate. Bad. There are too many things I don't know. Bad. I am addicted. Bad. I know. Good. I don't change it. Bad. I want to change. Good. I don't know if I want to change. Bad.

20 years stint leaves a pretty big dint. I'll need something big to fill a rather large void. Presuming of course I actually manage to pull this off. If I fix it, then the reason dies. I go back to the old ways, none the wiser. Then I stay up til 6:30am watching sub par television blogging to no one and thinking to myself - is that all there is? Don't bother watching the video here, just listen to the song.

If I am going to stick with computers, then I'll have to get smarter. It takes a lot of wherewithal to build a ladder out of a rut. I'll need tools to do it.
Any ideas?

#9 Reality Intervenes

The real first day was today. Because my social stat is so low, working with customers is very difficult. The first week will be a true test. Toughness has been revealed as dangerously low. An offhand remark or angry person seems to cause a long lasting sometimes permanent confidence debuff, a stat that can't afford to go any lower. If it does, introversion will take a sharp rise, and social will plummet until confidence recovers.

The 'forget about it' ability needs to be learned. Otherwise the foibles of everyday life will eventually crush me. Toughness is low because of a long period of self imposed social isolation, largely related to the shyness trait. Why it should be that I can't take the mildest of knocks is yours to decide. Bound and retained such as these wounds are, remedied only by love. So we should hope.

Everything works out in the end. God plays dice, and the dice are loaded. Kay surah surah. Another Day another Dollar. Live to work or work to live.

Winter is coming.

#6 First Day

First day of the rest of my life, of Autumn, of September, of what will be. This means a lot of stats over near the relationship wall will start moving about. An odd mood dip occured earlier today but passed. Full moon I guess. The language is coming on nicely, the book has stalled and the other blog is sporadically updated.

Sickiness is up due to a rather terrible diet. I was thinking of adding Health status somehow. Life is pretty three-dimensional as is free will, so I might add Health as the floor. It'd fit nicely, because without good health, very few of the other walls matter. Religion holds up in the hopes that belief in healing has been demonstated to cure disease e.g. faith healing and the placebo effect.

Financial situation might improve in 4 weeks.

Common sense now dicates that sleepiness should be decreased. There is much to be done tomorrow.